Are people normally this confussing when you are asking them out?

[julep]

I ask a friend of mine out on a date she says she will have to think about it because she recently returned from a year long service project and is having difficulty adjusting. Now, I think she is just not that interested. I have consulted others and they have told me that I am not entitled to know the reason why. Even though i think it's fair if she would just tell me straight up she isn't interested. I mean I have tried being persistent. I have talked to her about it twice, and she throws out the same response. I don't want to harass her, but part of me thinks that she should just be straight up and tell me I'm not interested. Would it be too much for me to say this? I mean it's not going to hurt my feelings if she does. I would also let her know that too.

Also, as someone who is normally shy and constantly being told that's my problem this is a big deal for me. I'm actually trying to grow some balls and stick up for myself, don't women like that?



I trust your wisdom on this. I'm not trying to be a dick either.

I'm glad you asked her out on a date; that can feel very risky.  I hope she decides to answer your questions more clearly.  However, if you want to stay friends with her, I think the best thing to do is stop asking her why she won't go and just drop the subject.  Or maybe, if you do bring it up again, say something like if she ever changes her mind, you hope she'll let you know.  

Women can be uncomfortable with telling a guy "no" forthrightly and giving an honest reason (such as not being attracted to him as anything but a friend).  Some guys take a no-with-reasons very personally and react with a lot of anger.  You don't know what kind of experiences she's had with other guys that have led her to choose this as a response.  She may have a self-protective reason to be vague.  

(Or she may be someone who can't express her opinions, in which case you might consider whether you want a relationship where you're always making the choices and taking the blame when things go sideways...)