joke time

[Icy]

A bus stops and two Italian men get on. They sit down and engage in an animated conversation. The lady sitting behind them ignores them at first, but her attention is galvanised when she hears one of the men say the following:

"Emma come first. Den I come. Den two asses come together. I come once-a-more. Two asses, they come together again. I come again and pee twice. Then I come one lasta time."

"You foul-mouthed sex obsessed swine," retorted the lady indignantly.

"In this country ... we don't speak aloud in public places about our sex lives ...

"Hey, coola down lady," said the man. "Who talkin' abouta sexa? I'm a justa tellin' my frienda how to spella 'Mississippi'."

---

When you're from the country, your perception is a little bit different. A farmer drove to a neighbor's farmhouse and knocked at the door.

A boy, about 9, opened the door.
"Is your dad or mom home?" said the farmer.

"No, they went to town" said the boy. 
"How about your brother, Howard? Is he here?" asked the farmer.

"No, he went with Mom and Dad" the boy answered. 
The farmer stood there for a few minutes, shifting from one foot to the other, and mumbling to himself. 
"I know where all the tools are, if you want to borrow one, or I can give Dad a message" said the boy.
"Well," said the farmer uncomfortably, "I really wanted to talk to your Dad. It's about your brother Howard getting my daughter Suzy pregnant".

The boy thought for a moment...

"You would have to talk to Dad about that. I know he charges $500 for the bull and $50 for the pig, but I don't know how much he charges for Howard."