Hello, New atheist having a meltdown

[Dragonfly]

First of all, welcome.

You've taken a huge step after a lifetime of belief and it is unsettling.  And the first step you've taken is the right one: to seek out like minded people.

Probably a good next step would be to seek out other atheists or atheist groups in your location. Depending on where you are, this might be easier said than done.

Can you talk to someone in your family or a trusted friend?

Talking is a very important step, too.

Thank you. I have been occasionally going to a Skeptics meetup group and will start going all of the time now. I have a dinner with them tonight. 

My family is not an option as they're all in a Brethren sect (extreme fundamentalist). My trusted friend is my boyfriend/partner who has been an atheist since age 6. The problem is he really doesn't understand what I'm going through. He just says things like, "Just realize that it was all just an illusion and that you really haven't lost anything," but I feel like I've lost EVERYTHING. I'm a wreck.

I'll go to the Skeptics group tonight and see if there's anyone there who has had a similar experience. 

Thanks again.

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Sounds like a rough road you've had, Dragon (welcome to the forum, btw).  Can't really give you much advice, as I never went through anything similar.

But even though it was (clearly) painful for you, you might consider that the evolution you've had is one of maturation.  You've - albeit slowly and painfully - rejected the myths on which you were raised.

Here's a story that my brother-in-law (a Reform rabbi) likes to tell.  It may help make your new atheist clothes fit better:

*****

A rabbi tells his class at Hebrew school that God created everything in the world to be appreciated, as everything is here to teach us lessons.

One clever student asks, 'What lessons can we learn from atheists?  Why did God create them?'

The rabbi responds, 'God created atheists to teach us the most important lesson of all - the meaning of true compassion.  You see, when an atheist performs an act of charity, visits someone who is sick, helps someone in need, or cares for the world, he is not doing it because of some religious teaching. He does not believe that God commanded him to perform this act.  In fact, he does not believe in God at all, so his acts are based on an inner sense of morality. And look at the kindness he can bestow upon others simply because he feels it to be right.

'This means,' the rabbit continued, 'that when someone reaches out to you for help, you should never say, "I pray that God will help you." '  Instead, for the moment, you should become an atheist, imagine that there is no God to help and say, "I  will help you." '

*****

Boru

Thank you, Boru. It does help to think that this is actually a process of maturation. It's feeling like it happened so abruptly, which is why it's so painful, but maybe subconsciously I've been in the process of accepting the truth for quite a while.

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As with any major change that strips one of a perceived comfort, there is going to be psychological trauma we unnecessarily place on ourselves.  The best thing is to learn, understand, and accept that those comforts we've lost were false and to blanket ourselves with an albeit harsh reality that doesn't and should not be expected to provide comfort.  The hardest truth for many to learn is how to be an adult, and part of being an adult is leaving behind childish notions of imaginary friends as well as imaginary gods.

Yes, one of the things that got to me at the last Skeptics meeting I went to was talking with an elderly (secularly) Jewish Atheist who was from Poland. He told me, "If you want comfort, choose religion. If you want truth, choose atheism." I felt I really wanted both but was leaning heavily toward truth. I think it's always been the other way around, and I was just afraid to really research science and history because of clinging to the comfort. 

thanks