Hello, New atheist having a meltdown

[brewer]

Welcome.

I escaped at a much earlier age and over a longer period. Being young and cocky I didn't experience the fear.

I think the best thing you can do is keep talking about it. The fear will subside a little more each day. Eventually you'll be able to laugh at what you did and went thru. 

Memories are better than heaven.

[Mr.Obvious]

Welcome dragon, to our little band of heathens.

Despite having lived a delusion for fifty years , that says nothing ill about you as a person. And you're still quicker on The uptake than most.

I get that it feels like you are facing an abyss right now. But worry not, you see god has not Pulled you through The half -century . God didn't structure you life and vuilt all that you have. You did that all yourself. Take pride in that. You can face what is coming. It is no different from The past, except that you are continuously wiser.

[Dragonfly]

First of all, welcome.

You've taken a huge step after a lifetime of belief and it is unsettling.  And the first step you've taken is the right one: to seek out like minded people.

Probably a good next step would be to seek out other atheists or atheist groups in your location. Depending on where you are, this might be easier said than done.

Can you talk to someone in your family or a trusted friend?

Talking is a very important step, too.

Thank you. I have been occasionally going to a Skeptics meetup group and will start going all of the time now. I have a dinner with them tonight. 

My family is not an option as they're all in a Brethren sect (extreme fundamentalist). My trusted friend is my boyfriend/partner who has been an atheist since age 6. The problem is he really doesn't understand what I'm going through. He just says things like, "Just realize that it was all just an illusion and that you really haven't lost anything," but I feel like I've lost EVERYTHING. I'm a wreck.

I'll go to the Skeptics group tonight and see if there's anyone there who has had a similar experience. 

Thanks again.

---

Sounds like a rough road you've had, Dragon (welcome to the forum, btw).  Can't really give you much advice, as I never went through anything similar.

But even though it was (clearly) painful for you, you might consider that the evolution you've had is one of maturation.  You've - albeit slowly and painfully - rejected the myths on which you were raised.

Here's a story that my brother-in-law (a Reform rabbi) likes to tell.  It may help make your new atheist clothes fit better:

*****

A rabbi tells his class at Hebrew school that God created everything in the world to be appreciated, as everything is here to teach us lessons.

One clever student asks, 'What lessons can we learn from atheists?  Why did God create them?'

The rabbi responds, 'God created atheists to teach us the most important lesson of all - the meaning of true compassion.  You see, when an atheist performs an act of charity, visits someone who is sick, helps someone in need, or cares for the world, he is not doing it because of some religious teaching. He does not believe that God commanded him to perform this act.  In fact, he does not believe in God at all, so his acts are based on an inner sense of morality. And look at the kindness he can bestow upon others simply because he feels it to be right.

'This means,' the rabbit continued, 'that when someone reaches out to you for help, you should never say, "I pray that God will help you." '  Instead, for the moment, you should become an atheist, imagine that there is no God to help and say, "I  will help you." '

*****

Boru

Thank you, Boru. It does help to think that this is actually a process of maturation. It's feeling like it happened so abruptly, which is why it's so painful, but maybe subconsciously I've been in the process of accepting the truth for quite a while.

---

As with any major change that strips one of a perceived comfort, there is going to be psychological trauma we unnecessarily place on ourselves.  The best thing is to learn, understand, and accept that those comforts we've lost were false and to blanket ourselves with an albeit harsh reality that doesn't and should not be expected to provide comfort.  The hardest truth for many to learn is how to be an adult, and part of being an adult is leaving behind childish notions of imaginary friends as well as imaginary gods.

Yes, one of the things that got to me at the last Skeptics meeting I went to was talking with an elderly (secularly) Jewish Atheist who was from Poland. He told me, "If you want comfort, choose religion. If you want truth, choose atheism." I felt I really wanted both but was leaning heavily toward truth. I think it's always been the other way around, and I was just afraid to really research science and history because of clinging to the comfort. 

thanks

[J a c k]

I’m very happy you’re here. Welcome.  
I was born into and raised in an Evangelical home. My parents were pastors. I deconverted about 8 or 9 years ago. My parents deconverted recently and it was a very difficult change. They’re 60 now and are enjoying life more than ever. At first it was difficult for them to assimilate that they had centered their life around something nonexistent, and based on that raised us with unnecessary limitations, but now we’ve all decided to stop wasting more time dwelling in the past and instead enjoy the one chance we have at living. I’m a PM away, if you ever need to vent. Hope you like it here and stay.  

-Ivy

[Dragonfly]

Welcome.

I escaped at a much earlier age and over a longer period. Being young and cocky I didn't experience the fear.

I think the best thing you can do is keep talking about it. The fear will subside a little more each day. Eventually you'll be able to laugh at what you did and went thru. 

Memories are better than heaven.

Thank you. I am really glad to have found this forum. I guess one of my fears is that I'll somehow have a breakdown and try to go back to religion, but I really doubt this is possible. Once you've seen the man behind the curtain, there's no going back.

---

I’m very happy you’re here. Welcome.  
I was born into and raised in an Evangelical home. My parents were pastors. I deconverted about 8 or 9 years ago. My parents deconverted recently and it was a very difficult change. They’re 60 now and are enjoying life more than ever. At first it was difficult for them to assimilate that they had centered their life around something nonexistent, and based on that raised us with unnecessary limitations, but now we’ve all decided to stop wasting more time dwelling in the past and instead enjoy the one chance we have at living. I’m a PM away, if you ever need to vent. Hope you like it here and stay.  

-Ivy

Thank you, Ivy. Amazing your whole family got out. My parents are 79. I don't have the heart to tell them I've completely lost faith and why they should, too. They're too invested. Knowing I'm no longer a believer in any God would probably be even more painful than my conversion to Judaism was, and the idea that they could leave now is unrealistic; they're too invested.

[Minimalist]

Dear Dragonfly,

The first step in recovering from any addiction - and religion is nothing other than an addiction - is to acknowledge that you need help.  Congratulations for taking the first step.  To paraphrase one of our more religious idiots around here Ask (for help) , Seek (answers) , Get Better. 

I would suggest reading Israel Finkelstein's  "The Bible Unearthed" as it will tell you that the OT is full of shit.... just like the NT.  Finkelstein is an archaeologist so it can be a bit dry in spots but reality is frequently dry.

[Dragonfly]

First of all, welcome!  I sincerely hope you find this forum helpful.  There are many kind and supportive people here, and it does help to talk.


Secondly, 


It's going to be ok! 

I'm also a woman, and I was in my 30's when I finally realized I had been believing in a delusion my entire life, so I understand how hard it can be to undergo this as an adult who has spent most of their life inside the delusion.  It can be hard, and you'll feel ungrounded at first.  You might find yourself experiencing some of the stages of grief, like anger or depression.  You might find you become a bit anti-theist for a while, feeling lied to, tricked, or betrayed.  There's a lot to unpack, and you need to be patient with yourself and not punish yourself for any feelings you are going through.  If you feel really anxious or upset, it wouldn't hurt to talk to a professional about it for a session or three.
But if that's too much trouble, someone is always here to listen!

I highly, highly recommend watching this:





She approaches the topic with humor and intelligence, from an adult woman's perspective.  It really helped me get past some tough times in those first 6 months or so.  I hope it helps you, too.

I've been in an online Recovering from Religion group with Dr. Marlene Winell and have been for quite a while. I had thought I was just recovering from my fundamentalist upbringing and never expected I would have my belief in God fall apart (and so abruptly), too. 

I have a phone appointment with a psychologist on Monday. Unfortunately, she isn't a secular therapist. She's Christian, but hopefully she can set that aside and not see this as simply a need for God. 

Thanks for the video recommendation. In the last week I watched an interview with Julia and Richard Dawkins and found it really interesting. I'll watch this one, too.

---

Dear Dragonfly,

The first step in recovering from any addiction - and religion is nothing other than an addiction - is to acknowledge that you need help.  Congratulations for taking the first step.  To paraphrase one of our more religious idiots around here Ask (for help) , Seek (answers) , Get Better. 

I would suggest reading Israel Finkelstein's  "The Bible Unearthed" as it will tell you that the OT is full of shit.... just like the NT.  Finkelstein is an archaeologist so it can be a bit dry in spots but reality is frequently dry.

Thanks. I'll add Finkelstein's book to my reading list--thanks for the recommendation.

---

Just like the end of any long relationship, it takes time to get over it.
My advice is to stick around and talk with atheists often, just to get the feeling that the way you feel is common and normal.
Focus on the positives like the fact that there's no-one watching you 24 hrs/day and you're free to make your own decisions.
And later on down the track when you feel more comfortable in your new skin, try not to get angry about the time you've wasted.
Some people sleep for their whole life. :-)

Thanks. I had a sudden breakup after 50 years, although we were never really happy together.

Hello, 

I was raised in an evangelical Christian fundamentalist home. Fourteen years ago I couldn't take it anymore but couldn't stand the feeling of being "nothing," and Judaism seemed to be a much kinder, truer religion, so I astonished my family by converting to Judaism. I fell away from Judaism over the years, got very religious again a couple of months ago, but just couldn't get anything out of it. Since Rosh Hashanah a couple of weeks ago, I really started searching. I talked with a rabbi, visited a church again and felt totally disillusioned. I've spent countless hours in the last week studying atheism, creationism, religion, philosophy, science, cosmology, evolution, myth, etc., and one by one my beliefs broke. Evolution happened, the world wasn't created in six days, the Big Bang happened, there is no God. I've been hanging onto a delusion out of fear. 

I just came to this realization tonight, and I feel absolutely devastated and lost. I'm a 50-year-old woman who's spent her life making choices based on religion. There is no God to comfort me, guide me, protect me, or intervene in my life. There is no Heaven. I will never see my family, friends, or pets again once they/I die. My entire schema for living has fallen apart. I feel devastated and terrified.  

If you have any guidance, please help me. 

thanks,

dragonfly

Wow, that does sound really scary. I never had to "deconvert," so to speak, so I've never had this experience. Life as your own guiding force and being the one you have to answer to isn't so bad. It'll keep you true to yourself. It will just take some adjustment, I think. There are other ways to assuage your fears other than gods, or you can embrace your fear and live life accordingly. I can understand your fear, though. Nevertheless, living a lie your whole life has to be worse than this transition, so I hope you find comfort in that. We have a lot of "deconverts" here. They probably have more wisdom than I on the topic. Good luck, dragonfly.

Thanks. I'll try to find some experiences similar to mine (the tendency to fall apart rather than feel freed). Maybe that'll help. 

Welcome dragon, to our little band of heathens.

Despite having lived a delusion for fifty years , that says nothing ill about you as a person. And you're still quicker on The uptake than most.

I get that it feels like you are facing an abyss right now. But worry not, you see god has not Pulled you through The half -century . God didn't structure you life and vuilt all that you have. You did that all yourself. Take pride in that. You can face what is coming. It is no different from The past, except that you are continuously wiser.

Very true. It was a drug, and I just went cold turkey. I hope there's a lot of life left. It's amazing to think I've been making the decisions all along. They haven't been great decisions because they were based on wrong information. Maybe I can develop some kind of confidence in my ability to make decisions. I don't have that yet.

[Alan V]

I just came to this realization tonight, and I feel absolutely devastated and lost. I'm a 50-year-old woman who's spent her life making choices based on religion. There is no God to comfort me, guide me, protect me, or intervene in my life. There is no Heaven. I will never see my family, friends, or pets again once they/I die. My entire schema for living has fallen apart. I feel devastated and terrified.  

I was also 50 when my God-concept finally fell apart, and I became an atheist later that year after I read The God Delusion.  To tell you the truth, the end wasn't the hard part for me.  It was the prior seven years when I had become estranged from other people who held the same beliefs.  That was the difficult time for me.

Once I started reading books on atheism and posting at the Amazon atheist forum (which is now gone), the clouds cleared away.  After that, I never felt better.  Most of my fears and obsessions were left-overs from unreasonable religious ideas, which I quickly dropped.  It's like throwing away crutches which you really don't need anymore.

[Pat Mustard]

Hello, 

I was raised in an evangelical Christian fundamentalist home. Fourteen years ago I couldn't take it anymore but couldn't stand the feeling of being "nothing," and Judaism seemed to be a much kinder, truer religion, so I astonished my family by converting to Judaism. I fell away from Judaism over the years, got very religious again a couple of months ago, but just couldn't get anything out of it. Since Rosh Hashanah a couple of weeks ago, I really started searching. I talked with a rabbi, visited a church again and felt totally disillusioned. I've spent countless hours in the last week studying atheism, creationism, religion, philosophy, science, cosmology, evolution, myth, etc., and one by one my beliefs broke. Evolution happened, the world wasn't created in six days, the Big Bang happened, there is no God. I've been hanging onto a delusion out of fear. 

I just came to this realization tonight, and I feel absolutely devastated and lost. I'm a 50-year-old woman who's spent her life making choices based on religion. There is no God to comfort me, guide me, protect me, or intervene in my life. There is no Heaven. I will never see my family, friends, or pets again once they/I die. My entire schema for living has fallen apart. I feel devastated and terrified.  

If you have any guidance, please help me. 

thanks,

dragonfly

Firstly I'm sorry for your troubles, I never felt the kind of anguish about death that you described (maybe because I gave up religion when I was too young to go up against many Sicilians when death was on the line), so I can't tell you anything to help alleviate it, as I don't have a fear of death.

But I do have a general piece of advice; find something good that you like doing.  It doesn't have to be big, like finding a cure for cancer, but if you can find something that regularly leaves the world a bit better when you got to sleep at night than when you woke up that morning (or once a week or month or whatever you can spare), you'll have done a great thing.  And because you like doing it, you'll have the added bonus of feeling happy into the bargain.

[purplepurpose]

Sport and healthy diet helped me to cure my mind slowly.