What's cooking, good-looking?

[Brian37]

I suck at cooking.

If I cant boil it, or stick it in the oven on a timer, I starve.

Well, you could just boil or oven-heat most things.
Most things wouldn't taste right.
But you could.

I love food, but hate prep. 

Trust me, I if I was forced by gunpoint to make a meal from scratch like you just depicted, you'd be putting your life in my hands. I also would make a horrible firefighter or EMT. 

I am capable of boiling water and burning water.