(April 2, 2019 at 10:10 am)bennyboy Wrote:(April 2, 2019 at 7:41 am)Acrobat Wrote: Things like anger, and rage need moderation and self-control. We shouldn't say it okay that you don't have self-control, just like you shouldn't say it's okay for children to throw tantrums. You shouldn't reward bad behavior, or just be permissive towards it either.
Society, family and friends, telling you it's not okay when you rage out, or lash out on them, is part of what helps us gain self-control. I have to learn moderate my rage and anger, or I'll risk destroying my marriage, my friendship and family. It may be hard work, but because I love them, it's worth it. It's that constant voice, that reminds me when I feel like raging out, "hey man it's not worth it, you'll end up making things worse not better. "
The predominant opinion in this thread seems to be that an adult is expected to have self control, and that a lack of self control, especially if it affects others, is a moral failing. The attitude seems to be that if you can be enraged, you don't care enough about your loved ones or other people in your environment to bother fixing yourself. Is this really how people think the human mind works? It seems pretty Biblical to me: God gave us free will, and those who use it for ill are culpable, because obviously it's their fault for being that way.
In 100% of other cases I can think of, it's understood that however people behave, it's because something about their brain or their learning made them that way. But if a man can't control his temper-- he's a monster.
You can control your temper. You knew when to open your release valve. Someone else insisted on keeping your release valve closed. You control your temper. You lost control when someone wouldn't let you use your controls. You were like the driver of a car who knows that he has to swerve, and you have a passenger who holds onto the wheel and won't let you swerve.
We do not inherit the world from our parents. We borrow it from our children.