The Last Movie You Watched

[Rev. Rye]

You got your Bloody Bloody Andrew Jackson T-shirt on? You got the time enough to watch one of the shittiest movies ever released to theatres? Well, tough titty, because we're going to take on the last third of Dinesh D'Souza's Hilary's America.

More shit:

• Obama's reading of Dreams from My Father is synched up with a younger actor saying the same words for no reason.
  
• Barack Obama Sr comes to his son's classroom to call himself "AMAHN FROM AFREECA" and talk about nothing else. 
  
• One thing I forgot to mention first time around was that, for all his grandstanding about racism in this film, well, it turns out he's got some really dodgy views on race. In his days at the Dartmouth Review, he published an interview with a KKK leader accompanied with a lynched black man, and also this monstrosity: "Dese boys be sayin' that we be comin' here to Dartmut an' not takin' the classics. You know, Homa, Shakesphere; but I hea' dey all be co'd in da ground, six feet unda, and whatchu be askin' us to learn from dem?" In 1995, he published a book called The End of Racism which argued that systemic racism was extinct, so it was okay to eliminate the parts of the Civil Rights Act of 1965 that applied to private companies. Also, it went over plantation stereotypes that supposedly still applied, like this was Mam's Law if Manderlay was actually not a cynical commentary on race relations in America. And last year, he retweeted messages with hashtags like #gasthejews and #bringbackslavery. A bit hypocritical, if you ask me.
  
• While I'm on it, his prison term? It was spending eight months' worth of nights at a halfway house. 
  
• Oh, no, Bill Clinton downplaying dictators' human rights abuses after he's out of office! And making money over it! Could you imagine if a sitting president did that? Like Trump does with literally every dictator he comes in contact with?
  
• Hilary's laughing at a rape victim. I'll just leave this here. TL;DR, she was laughing at the absurdity of the whole thing (biased towards the perpetrator as it was), not at the victim's plight. And here's something about Benghazi. And bear in mind, I'm not a big fan of Hilary Clinton, and I only voted for her in the 2016 Presidential election because I knew the alternative was horrible. And they've proved it.
  
• And to sum up everything: it's a textbook example of psychological projection spread out over 106 minutes and 15 seconds. Dinesh spends all this time trying to dig up dirt on the Democrats, and conveniently ignores that, while he was making this horseshit, Donald Trump, the Republican frontrunner, was becoming the most racist major party Presidential candidate since George Wallace. 
  
• Also, the movie ends with three music videos, from a version of "God Bless America," a strange adaptation of "The Star Spangled Banner," and a country song.
  

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Now that I've gone through my second genre cycle through the Deep Hurting Project, I've decided I'm going to update my list of dishonours.

The Deep Hurting Project Awards:

Returning Awards, because this cycle didn't up the ante (though it very well may in future cycles):

• Most Brain-Breaking:Highlander 2. This film may have the most plot holes of any film I've seen with the possible exception of Battlefield Earth, which is ineligible for the award to give others a fighting chance. 
  
• Most Reprehensible: Vaxxed. Nuff Said.
  
• Best Worst Movie: Guardians. Probably the first film I've watched for the project that I'd seriously consider buying if I found a copy at Half-Price Books. And it's so absurd in how badly it apes the current crop of Superhero movies. The Bratz film is ineligible for this award to give others a fighting chance.
  
• Megatron Award for Bad Comedy: Bio-Dome. This may change with the other ten comedies in the list, especially if Holmes and Watson is really as bad as everyone says it is.
  

Updated Awards:

• Most Frustrating experience as a viewer: Hilary's America now beats out Jem and the Holograms, because unlike the latter film, I actually know shit about the source material. And it's jaw-dropping how much stupid he packs into this film and how much basic shit he
  
• Worst Overall Film: United Passions. Possibly the worst film I've ever seen that I'm at least comfortable with calling a movie. Not sure yet, but a very good candidate for worst film of all time. This has been merged with the dullest film because, honestly, a horrible film that at least makes you think is better than one that's fucking boring.
  
• The The Eye Creatures Award for Just Not Caring (formerly Most Stunningly Incompetent): Stranded. It's an incredibly stupid ripoff of Alien played dead serious and filmed on a budget so low that a robotic booklight plays the part of a high-tech space communicator. Thank Jah Christian Slater found Mr. Robot.
  

New Awards:

• Most Generic piece of shit: Getaway. Not even a scene where not-Henry Kissinger tells Ethan Hawke to drive his stunt car down some public steps can save this movie from being boring. 
  
• Most Damn Faint Praise: The Love Guru. This had a heavy reputation to live up to, and, much to my surprise, it wasn't total cancer. There were occasional saving graces. Very occasional. At least Mike Myers wasn't doing Brownface. On that note, there were brief segments where it reminded me of Blake Edwards'  The Party, but, naturally they still felt the need to drive any jokes straight into the ground. It's rather telling that the one with brownface is still more charming.
  
• The Richie Cusack Award for Epic Fails: Yep, the scene from A History of Violence where William Hurt asks "How do you fuck that up?" is now a fixture of the Deep Hurting Project. And now, I've decided to devote his awards to simple fucking things that the filmmakers fuck up spectacularly. Do I give it to Hilary's America for setting out to make a movie claiming Democrats are the real racists and fail to do justice to targets who would seem like shooting fish in a barrel? Or The Apparition for somehow having more plot in the fucking trailer than the actual film? Nope, I'm giving it to The Emoji Movie. Why? Because they fuck up the most basic aspects of the plot: Gene has the unusual problem of having multiple emotions which forms the basic thrust of the film, except that other emojis actually show multiple emotions, and not just Steven Wright. They go for a "be yourself" moral, but fuck it up because when Gene tries to be himself, it risks THE ENTIRE PHONEWORLD BEING DESTROYED. And it somehow saves the day because the girl he's into is impressed by a weird emoji. They go for a feminist moral claiming that there was an era where female emojis could only be princesses and brides, except that Smiler (a female) was not only the first emoji, but was their leader from time immemorial.