The Last Movie You Watched

[Rev. Rye]

So, almost immediately after I switched off, the kids are in the corridors to hide from the bad guys, and they open a door, and they see some crappy CGI elves working, and apparently it's the North Pole. And it's never mentioned again.

And their attempt at saving Patrick Swayze apparently involves shopping for some kick-ass Ninja-style clothes, which I can only assume to be shoplifted, going around in what I can only assume is a motorcycle that's just apparently inn the mall and rideable. Hey, remember when the Blues Brothers did a car chase through a mall and that actually made sense?





And despite their planning to have him follow them to the security office, they just settle for having a fake turn through a glass panel into the waterpark. And the daughter's plan to stop Carmen Electra is a bit more lackluster, if actually fairly practical. She lures her up onto the roof, tricks her into walking on a glass panel, which breaks, leading to the money (and one would think they'd have something that could bear the weight of Carmen Electra.) And it's only by sheer dumb luck that Tim Curry witnesses the whole thing, and even then, it has to be pointed out to him what the implications are. And apparently a horse kicked him in the head a while back, which is why he's so dense.

And she's still trying to tell a SEA LION to remember her new address for Santa, even after it's all wrapped up in a bow, and someone named Simon Echols gives Patrick Swayze a job, and in my quest to try and check and see if he was one of the many Santa figures Matthew Walker plays (the name does not pop up in the IMDb cast list phase, but there seems to be an implication that he is Santa, and sadly, the DVD has no subtitles, so I can't confirm whether or not I misheard Mr. Nichols as "Simon Echols"), I discovered that Anna Nicole Smith made a cameo in there somewhere as herself.

And finally, the Mom comes home to find the house all decked out, and apparently, Santa took the time out of his busy schedule to set up a tree, decorations, a Christmas feast, and even installing a fireplace.

I legitimately think Christmas in Wonderland may be one of the worst movies I've watched for the Deep Hurting Project. I can think of very little to redeem it. Everyone's half-assing it, even Tim Curry, the script is asinine, and I'm sure if I were actually Canadian, I'd be even more pissed off. But then again, it at least shows off the West Edmonton Mall well enough, even if the one screen at the West Edmonton Mall that showed it pulled it after about a week.