The Last Movie You Watched

[Rev. Rye]

You know what, today was really fucking hectic, between trying to figure out how to replace my music streamer and drilling some holes in my lap steel build. Fortunately, this is a Youth film week, and there's a 44-minute option called Bands on the Run. It's an overgrown ad for Silly Bands, an item I sell (barely) at the store.

• You know what sounds neater than "long ago"?
  
  
  
• Are they narrating the story that's going to happen over the rest of the movie before it happens?
  
• An entire hour-long block devoted to bunny jokes.
  
• Is there a reason they can't brake that truck before they hit the bunny? That's what I do if there's an animal in the road.
  
• Why do these human models look like dogshit?
  
• Is that bunny covered in tarmac? Or static?
  
• Why are that guy's hands half as big as he was?
  
• So, a rabbit is an imminent threat, but getting run over by a car tire is a great way to travel?
  
  
  
• Why did the lightbulb need to tell the others to run when they were in danger of being swept up and thrown into the trash? It's not like they're following Toy Story rules, where they lose sentience once there's a danger of a kid seeing them.
  
• Is it weird that I'm having trouble accepting the rockstar Silly band as female? I think it's the masculine jawline and utter lack of boobage. Or maybe she's just a transgender rubber band, in which case, I guess I can get behind it. I can't think of any trans guitarists. Putting the words in Google, the only name I recognised (and that may be me confusing her with someone else) was Teddy Geiger, and I don't even know she was trans until just now.
  
• Damn, that rubber band's been working since the eighties?
  
• Good fucking God, Stretch's lip sync is clearly horrible.
  
• Why do these pointless interludes look so much better than the actual movie?
  
• Did those bands just pass over a hole before falling into another? 
  
• You know what, I'm just going to leave this here:
  
  
  
• Is that plane using Stretch's rubber body as a violin string using a paper clip as a bow?
  
• And they're acknowledging that there's no real danger with them since they're literally made of rubber.
  
• And why did they use six rubber bands to secure a newspaper?
  
• High, Volume, and Boost? What the shit kind of amp controls are those? And why are they so far apart?
  
• Why was that hand so blurry?
  
• Nobody has a rubber band like a circle! And it's not even like there's an entire brand of rubber bands entirely built around staying like a circle, and it's certainly not like I had to sift through a shitton of those when I was looking for properly sized rubber washer to use as a ukulele pick.
  
• Hirthday?
  
• Also, I briefly misread the director's name as Charlie Manson. If only he was the one responsible for this movie. It'd almost certainly be more reprehensible, but a Hell of a lot more entertaining.