The Last Movie You Watched

[Rev. Rye]

This week in the Deep Hurting Project: The Wild World of Batwoman, which conveniently came complete with the MST3K version on the Rhino DVD I bought last week.

• So, the opening scene is strange: it involves two of the Batgirls initiating a third and convincing her to drink blood. And by blood I mean a mixture of "honey, mint, cherries, and strawberry yogurt," which makes them "synthetic vampires." Why? Because apparently they were threatened with a lawsuit from DC for using the names "Batwoman" and "Batgirl", so they changed it to She Was A Hippy Vampire and made this scene to justify the whole vampire thing, since it's never mentioned in the film itself.
  
• Also, here's what it would look like (I don't think the honey or mint would have changed the colour much)
  As someone who decided to cut himself last year just so he could figure out what the true colours of blood are (A61410 fresh and 572122 dried, for the record), you could have just used cranberry juice and called that blood.
• And in their first scenes, they witness a murder, and make no attempt at apprehending the killers. A good sign for what's supposed to be a superhero movie.
  
• There's a lot of random go-go dancing. I suspect a lot of it was added to pad it up to feature length, since the print I have is 65 minutes and 50 seconds long.
  
• And their reaction to discovering the radio wristwatch is to immediately start playing with it and not tossing it so Batwoman doesn't know where they are? Or is this in the days from before some rudimentary GPS?
  
• Why is this guy who looks like a middle-aged Jewish guy talking with a fake Indian accent? And why does he have a hunchbacked guy who can't even put on his clearly tattered cardigan as a sidekick?
  
• So, imagine that there's half a dozen bikini babes in the place of all these guys, and you get a good idea of how the Batwomen's meetings go:
  
  
  
• He wants to eavesdrop on every conversation possible? Have you considered a job in one of the big tech companies?
  
• Why did you tell everyone that they had more time to destroy the device than they actually had? 
  
• Well, there's something you don't see every day: a jazz combo where the saxophonist is playing a baritone.
  
• Why does that one guy sound an unnerving amount like George C. Scott?
  
• And a summation of the seance scene:
  
  
  I wish I was making this up. They call up a person for a seance and goes between talking... really... slowly... and then going into ChingChongChingChong. Apparently, this is because there's another voice on the line.
• By "Searching with dedication" they mean making out with some random guy on the beach and go-go dancing. 
  
• So, the plan is for the batgirls to reproduce with these monsters?
  
• So, you have in your hands a device with a nuclear reactor and the one element that can turn it into a bomb. The catalyst has seeped into the reactor. What dost thou deau? Throw it away, Leave, or cradle it in your arms and lick it? If you answered "Cradle it in your arms and lick it", then, conglaturation, you're dumb enough to be in this movie.
  

So, since Mr. Magoo has been added to TVTropes' So Bad It's Horrible/Film lists, I've decided to cover that next week.