The Last Movie You Watched

[Rev. Rye]

This week in the Deep Hurting Project was going to be Bible Town, but apparently that one left Tubi in between February 1 and today. That said, there is yet another movie from the makers of this one still on there. And the bad news is... it's a sequel to Finding Jesus. The originally-titled Finding Jesus 2. Fortunately, it's only about 40 minutes long, according to Tubi. However, I expect it to feel a lot longer.

• So, the premise of the Finding Jesus involves Muggles and Joy swimming to their school, where they meet with Professor Shark, who ends up putting them on some "adventures" that are supposed to teach them some lesson that shoehorns Christianity in there. And lather, rinse, repeat every nine or so minutes for as long as the movie's supposed to last because, as far as I can tell, it's just a collection of episodes of a TV show that was never given a proper airing because the networks presumably have some standards and even by the low standards of Christian propaganda, it's utter shit.
  
• Yeah, those corals were so cool we can't actually see them.
  
• And now for the obvious question, how the fuck can fish read the Bible underwater? The fact that the animation's so repetitive is really making it clearer.
  
• NEVER END AN EPISODE ON A LAUGH THAT SHIT AGAIN.
  
• Are they actually going to do some world-building and show how the fish's church is supposed to work? Of course they're not. That would require putting some effort into it.
  
• 10:38. Professor Shark goes into detail about how sharks are the only fish that have the necessary membranes to blink or close their eyes. And yet they have Joy blinking at that point. Hell, it turns out both Joy and Muggles blink. I never felt the need to notice this blatant nit-pick with the previous film, what with it being so ubiquitous, but they just went out of their way to point out that they not only shouldn't be able to blink, but don't and they defied it while they're talking about it.
  
  
  
• What better place to meet a great pal than at a worship gathering? Well, besides any other place where people share a common interest.
  
• So, the definition of prayer is restricted to sea creatures? I guess I'm exempt!
  
• Prayer is always free. Just remember to tithe 10% of your income. 
  
• The name Boo Cakes is never going to not remind me of Bukakke.
  
• So, basically, just floating in place just counts as rowdy playing? Only in a movie where your animation is this lazy can this count. Hey, you remember how most every show that stars sea creatures that isn't named Spongebob Squarepants has freedom of movement in all three dimensions? You know you've fucked up when Shark Tale is leagues above your horseshit:
  
  
  
• Okay, maybe I've been focusing on the lazy animation, but maybe the fact that this stationary argument counts as rowdy playing implies an absurd level of repression.
  
• Is the name "Scary Henry" or "Scary Harry"? Because someone seems to have gotten the name wrong somewhere. And his name still makes as little sense as it did the first time. Maybe less, since he doesn't seem to have any negative emotions. Maybe it's because it looks like his voice actor sounds like the last place contestant in a Vincent Price impression contest?
  
• Also, the crab counts as a deep ocean fish now.
  
• Fuck, they just flipped a coin and that's how they chose whether his name is "Scary Henry" or "Scary Harry", isn't it?
  
• Mrs. Whateley? Was she related to the guy from "The Dunwich Horror?" Is this how Cthulhu's supposed to take over the world? Make shit like this and break people's brains that way?
  
• Hopefully, the fact that this little compilation of episodes took only 40 minutes is a sign that there aren't any more episodes of this shit.
  

And next week, the genre is Action/Adventure, and the movie to take in is (hopefully) Rollerball 2002 (aka Why the fuck is Jean Reno in two films bad enough for the Deep Hurting Project?)