joke time

[BrianSoddingBoru4]

(A couple of dusties repurposed for current events):

Vladimir Putin, concerned about his future, visits a fortune teller. She consults her crystal ball, reads his palm, check the tarot cards, and reads his tea leaves.

'I'm sorry, Comrade Putin, but all the methods show me the same answer - you will die on a Ukrainian holiday.'

'Which one?'

'Doesn't matter - ANY day on which you die will be a Ukrainian holiday.'

*****

A man in Kyiv goes to a news stand and buys a paper. He glances at the front page, throws the paper in the rubbish bin, and stalks away. 

This continues for several days. Finally, the stand owners asks, 'Why do you spend money on newspapers but only look at the front page?'

'I'm just looking for an obituary.'

'But the obituaries aren't even on the front page!'

'The one I'm looking for will be.'

*****

Boru