The Last Movie You Watched

[Rev. Rye]

This week in the Deep Hurting Project: 3 Ninjas: High Noon at Mega Mountain. I've never watched any of the other films in the series. All I know is it's bad enough to kill off the franchise and that the guy who made the Bratz movie directed this.

• The first obstacle in this obstacle course is going through a subway turnstile?
  
• Humility is the biggest lesson for a ninja to learn? You do know that ninja were the less honourable class of warriors in Japan, right? 
  
• It's not every day that a kid's show ends their series by explaining that the network doesn't give a shit about them. That shit's the reason we never got to saw the ending of The Angry Beavers.
  
• Is that Jim Varney playing Hans Gruber? And why does his army include a Rastaman, Tina Turner, and Hurley from Lost?
  
• It looks like the latest iteration of Fartcopter is improved from the previous one. 
  
• Man, that copyright-evader of a "That's What I like About You" cover sounds anemic as fuck.
  
• Why are these terrorists taking over a theme park? And why is not-Tina Turner announcing her takeover with the Miranda warning? And how does the security not notice them until long after they've taken over? 
  
• So, your plan is to threaten to increase the speeds on the rides unless the owner pays you a ransom? And threatening a shitton of lawsuits due to your own malfeasance? Do they not think that people are going to know that a terrorist group took over the park? And do they think that they're not going to be on the hook for that?
  
• I legit don't know if that Cowboy fight was supposed to be part of the show or part of the terrorist group. Their members are random enough, and if they were just part of the show, why the fuck did the camera pan up to them?
  
• So that's what Shane McGowan was doing while the Pogues were on Hiatus.
  
• Seriously? They have to be told someone's taken over the park after they had to have a big ninja fight? Does that normally happen to them when they go to amusement parks? Crap, the answer's yes, isn't it?
  
• That's a pretty good Walkie-Talkie system if it can broadcast well beyond the park.
  
• So Jim Varney has more people in Pan-African colours working for him?
  
• And now they're turning Mega Mountain into a safer version of Action Park?
  
• This girl packed a fucking arsenal for a trip to an amusement park. Does anyone else miss the 90s?
  
• I swear, that gondola ride's reminding me of that story I heard about from a Nexpo video about the mom who went off her meds and swung her baby on a swing until he died for almost two days straight.
  
• Check this Oot? Is that supposed to be Jamaican or Newfoundlander?
  
• The password is God? Even by the standards of the mid-90s, that has to be really easy to crack.
  
• And to think that somewhere, there's a pedo who's disappointed that we didn't get to see the kid piss his pants, just the aftereffects.
  
• And to think he can probably just afford to get some other cash and not cry over losing a $10 bill.
  
• And we end on another homage to Kubrick's The Killing.
  
  
  
• Is not-Tina Turner going to molest that girl?
  
• I remember when Hulk Hogan made a cameo in Muppets from Space and he still actually did more than this movie he starred in. 
  
• Why does the slow-motion make this climactic fight look so shit? 
  

Next week is going to be Sandra Bullock's debut film Hangmen.