This week in the Deep Hurting Project, Swept Away, a remake of the 1974 Lina Wertmuller film. So, the original is very... problematic, what with the basic plot involving a haughty rich woman getting shipwrecked with a deckhand, who ends up, basically, taming the shrew. But at least there's a good argument that the original has some redeeming underlying political commentary, with her as a proud capitalist and him being a strident communist, one who'd gladly call her out on her bullshit if he didn't need her money. In 2001, Guy Richie and his wife Madonna remade that film and managed to systematically take out any redeeming qualities.
- Why was that airplane door closing clearly CGI?
- You can just tell by the opening credits that Guy Richie really wanted to do a Bond film. Too bad this horseshit set his career back for about a decade.
- You know, the leading man in this version is the son of the original leading man, and somehow he doesn't get how his Dad's main character was supposed to work. At least Dad's version was a man you could easily expect to turn into a caveman when he didn't have to worry about the money. Sonny Boy's doing his damnedest to make him look thoughtful, which would work better if they handled her wearing him down well. Or at all.
- When did Errol Flynn wear a Hawaiian shirt?
- So, they're going into a talk about capitalism, and Sonny Boy's main response is to give a disapproving look at Madonna. Maybe talk about her retort about how she doesn't seem to make cakes, like she expects blind people to.
- And when Sonny Boy seems to reach his breaking point and talks about how he wants to kill Madonna, it's not believable.
- Okay, so it turns out there's a bit more politics in this version than I was led to believe. It's just Objectivism vs. well, not-Objectivism.
- Of course the fish tastes bad. It's fucking fish.
- Fucking, Puking,... crap, this is like Naruto Veangance Revelaitons all over again, isn't it?
- Well, this line is probably the best way to distract from the implications that Madonna is propositioning Sonny Boy after spending the last 20 minutes berating him non-stop in what, at this point, seems more like an attempted rape:
- Is there a reason Guy Ritchie's trying to do a lawyer-friendly version of the Zorba song? And for a movie that's seven times the budget the movie he actually used it in?
- Well, this Life of Pi section of the movie's gone on way too long. It's just a collection of short scenes of Madonna and Sonny Boy berating each other.
- Man, is Guy Ritchie taking his time to get to the main plot of the movie.
- Why is that one line in Italian subtitled when the rest of it isn't?
- Did Sonny Boy just MacGyver a crossbow with shit he found on the desert island?
- Well, now Sonny Boy's transformation into Phil Spector has come completely out of nowhere.
- Why do I get the feeling Sonny Boy wants Madonna to piss in that coke bottle?
- Why did Sonny Boy repeat "By the time I return?"
- Man, that sneak peak of American Life sucks ass.
- What's the point of giving Madonna a big musical number if she's just going to lip-sync to Della Reese?
- You know, I'm starting to think that a movie were the male lead rapes the female lead should never have been marketed as a RomCom. Even if Madonna's more annoyed at being raped than anything else.
- I know what you're trying to do, movie, and playing some Arvo Part over a montage of Sonny Boy and Madonna acting sad isn't going to make me feel bad for them.
- You know, that foot kiss is reminding me that we never got a good look at Madonna's feet in this movie. She's either in sandals or barefoot (or maybe wrapped in cloth for what I think are either sand-related or wound-related) but we get no close-ups.
- And they want us to feel sorry for these two people being broken up when they've spent most of the movie arguing with each other, a situation that only changed when Sonny Boy raped Madonna. Dude, I watched Cannibal Holocaust last night and I still felt more sorry for the filmmakers when they got butchered, and bear in mind that the filmmakers in that movie were psychopaths, one of whom had to be reminded that maybe smiling on camera at a woman being impaled vag-to-mouth (which is heavily implied to be their doing) isn't a good look for the documentary they were making.
Comparing the Universal Oneness of All Life to Yo Mama since 2010.
![[Image: harmlesskitchen.png]](https://i.postimg.cc/yxR97P23/harmlesskitchen.png)
I was born with the gift of laughter and a sense the world is mad.
I was born with the gift of laughter and a sense the world is mad.
