The Last Movie You Watched

[Rev. Rye]

This week in the Deep Hurting Project is the other Snakes on a Plane ripoff on the list, Ants on a Plane.

• Well, at least I can take solace in the fact that the ant only appear in about 10 minutes' worth of the movie, and that's mostly in stock footage.
  
• I don't think the makers of this movie don't like Latin America very much.
  
• Lemme guess, that pilot who's planning on retiring to Jason Voorhies' old stomping grounds isn't long for this world.
  
• A long shot whose purpose seems to mostly be to set up the movie's characters. This is a B-movie, not The Player.
  
• They really wanted to put Bill Murray in this movie for whatever reason, didn't they? Then again, they could only afford to get a Tom Green lookalike.
  
• Ants, that doesn't make any sense. For one thing, they look  just like normal ants, and how the fuck did they survive in not-Bill Murray's stomach for so long? Hell, according to the IMDb goofs page, they shouldn't even be able to survive at a cruising altitude.
  
• Prozac for a sudden attack of anxiety? That's not how SSRIs work.
  
• Carrie Moss? It's about a quarter of the way through the movie and we're already getting three actors that the studio seems to have really wanted to cast, but couldn't afford. 
  
• Way to make everything clear, Doc, they're bad enough that they're calling the CDC for whatever reason, and they may be genetically modified to be even deadlier, but that's no reason to be worried.
  
• And how can she even know that the ants have been genetically modified to be deadlier?
  
• Why was an entomologist who specialises in ants with
  
• And what test can the CDC do on the ants in 15 minutes when they don't even have access to the ants?
  
• And of course they only took the time to cover up one vent after they banished the ants to the AC system. Of course they did.
  
• Depressurising the cabin may or may not be enough to kill the ants. Just being at cruising altitude  should have been enough.
  
• Redneck Tom Green is making a lot of sense, honestly. And why can't the mom put an oxygen mask on her baby?
  
• Who the fuck is buddy and why is the drunken frat-bro so distraught about bringing him on the flight?
  
• 20,000 ants in a month? That honestly doesn't sound very high. Especially given that the flight is supposed to only be for three hours.
  
• Five kids by the age of 24? Her prospective fiancee doesn't happen to have the name Duggar, does it?
  
• Is the Air Marshall trying to find the queen ant? So, what if the queen is in an area that's not practical for a human to go into?
  
• Is that flight attendant implying that he's willing to fuck his passengers? You know, maybe an infestation isn't a good time to advertise your gigolo services.
  
• We're losing fuel from the mainline, and it looks like we can't hit it sideways. Just like Sister Ray said? Just like Sister Ray said.
  
• So, why is the washroom sign in English and Japanese? Since this plane came from Colombia, why wouldn't they be in Spanish and English?
  
• And to think that if Zaharie Ahmed Shah was one of the pilots, this scenario would be an absolute dream for him. No way to land, not allowed to enter any airspace, the sort of disappearance that led to the disappearance of Flight 370 would go without a hitch.
  
• You'd think that the fire extinguisher would have run out of whatever's supposed to be in it.
  
• Carolyn Ross, not Carrie Lynn Moss! 
  
• How does Redneck Tom Green get the idea that they're entitled to a vote about where they land ?
  
• And the movie ends with the survivors on board and a cliffhanger that the queen's still alive, because of course she is. Good thing there's no sequel.
  

And next week, Rollerball 2002.