The Last Movie You Watched

[Rev. Rye]

This week in the Deep Huritng Project, Surf School.  I know nothing about this except that Tubi's apparently going to drop it soon, and that Harland Williams apparently keeps it off his resume. 

• This reads like someone was challenged to write the dumbest movie about surfing possible.
  
• Also, apparently, one of the bullies looks like he's either a proto-Logan Paul or the larval form of the Wonderbread guy who even Shadman wants nothing to do with.
  
• "I dreamed about monkeys last night." And then, it became a nightmare because I  ended up becoming Patient Zero of a whole new STD.
  
• You know, maybe you should check if you didn't rope so much on those Hustlers that they can't be opened, before you lend them out.
  
• Yes, we get it, "Surf School."
  
• "Brothers don't surf?" A random Surf Ninjas reference? Or is it just a random bastardization of "Charlie Don't Surf?"
  
• You know, I find it highly unlikely that the Japanese girl doesn't actally speak English. That was actually a plot point from Better Off Dead.
  
• Aw, man, they actually went past Teddy Roosevelt in American History class?
  
• Yes, we get it, the unusually tan Russian dude and his blonde life have an extremely healthy sex life.
  
• What is this movie's obsession with sex with monkeys?
  
• Just wait a few years, gang, you'll be  dreaming that the Republicans would put a president in office with all the integrity of Nixon.
  
• Why doe this guy have a bottle opener as an earring.
  
• He hasn't been surfing in 30 years, but he's still paying to advertise a surf school?
  
• Come on, man, what about her feet? We're more into seeing her feet, Harlan.
  
• Milk from a virgin cow? So, this cow had an immaculate conception?
  
• Why are the logistics of their living arrangements so convoluted?
  
• And, of course, the Swedish girls are open with their tits. Hell, American girls act terrified when they figure out guys are thinking of their feet that way.
  
• Goddammit, I just watched the "Mr. King" episode of Inside No. 9 and am so not in the mood for using superglue torture as comedy.
  
• Random reference to sheep farming and even more random Braveheart reference that was made just before one could mention Mel Gibson without thinking of his random anti-semitism.
  
• I swear that announcer who looks like he's Caelan Conrad's Latino cousin is just saying random shit.
  
• Goth girl is hiding some Baywatch hair under a wig. Why the fuck not. 
  
• So, she took a random vow of silence? 
  
• I'll be damned, the nerdy kid is fucking the Swedish girls for once.
  
• Somehow, I speak better Japanese than Harlan, since I got that she was mentioning Japan at some point (from Nihonjin) and he didn't. Not bad for someone who gave up on trying to figure out the logic in that language when he found out that "Chihiro" can be shortened to "Sen."
  
• Is that kiss supposed to be consensual or not?
  
• Was that kid established to have needed Ritalin? 
  
• And you know what'd probably be a more consise tranlation of "Thanks, Brah" into Hawaiian? Besides "Mahalo," I mean? This.
  
  
  
• You know, this movie was so shit, I didn't even know who was supposed to be the protagonist.
  

Next week, I'm thinking Marmaduke on Netflix.