(March 24, 2023 at 7:41 pm)emjay Wrote: As someone technically bi, I understand a lot of what you're saying. Though I identify primarily as gay (now, and for most of my life), rather than bi (or straight), there have been other times - though not many, granted - where I've identified more as straight and been more interested in women... so I have degrees of freedom here that my truly gay friends, who can't even conceive of being with a woman, don't. Ultimately I doubt there'll be a full 180 in my life like your examples, because overall I'm much more emotionally attracted to men than women, and that's more important to me than just physical attraction (which is the part that is the most 'interchangeable' for me), but it is nonetheless conceivable, in a different time, place, and mentality.
Thank you for taking the time to understand what I was saying. I wasn't clear to everybody, apparently.
You make an important point, I think. The emotional element of whom one lives with, and how one feels about settling in with a partner is crucial. And it's not necessarily or primarily about having sex.
John Updike said he'd rather be seated between any two women at a dinner party than any two men, and I know how he feels. There's an emotional comfort level that isn't dependent on going to bed.
Quote:Also, in the spirit of what I think you were saying, I don't think we/I really need a label; when I was young it was all about coming out and fitting in, and I was very 'in your face' and political about it, but nowadays I don't feel the need to be so vocal about it, only bringing it up if it's relevant to a topic at hand... ie it's not such a defining point of my identity any more... and as such I guess that means I get to 'embrace the bi' a lot more now, ie just embrace whatever is, without needing to give it a name.
I certainly understand the value of people demanding the recognition they deserve. No one should have to hide, and I respect the people who come out and cause others to face facts. The political movements were [are] necessary.
Like any other form of labelling, though, it may oversimplify, and that's what I wanted to avoid. You shouldn't have to feel pressure to conform to a category.
I remember discussing religion with a very smart atheist man who knew a lot about theology. He said that though he could imagine becoming a Christian, he knew the hardest part of changing would be the reaction from his colleagues in academia, his family, etc. They would perceive his conversion as a betrayal of the team, and his social circle, which was important to him, would treat him differently. It's that sense of team sports that I guess I want to avoid. People should be free to follow their hearts.
You seem to have a good degree of self-awareness, and I'm happy to see you're comfortable with who you are.
