RE: The Last Movie You Watched
August 18, 2024 at 7:06 pm
(This post was last modified: August 18, 2024 at 8:27 pm by Rev. Rye.)
This week in the Deep Hurting Project: Bigfoot vs. D.B. Cooper. It's another David DeCoteau film, this time, it's apparently going to feature famous pseudonymous airline hijacker D.B. Cooper and Sasquatch.
- Somehow, I get the impression that this guy who looks like a low-rent version of Jacob from Twilight isn't going to be a younger version of Eric Roberts.
- It's seven minutes in, and once the Eric Roberts monologue stops, it's just footage of Not-Jacob hiking shirtless in the woods over the sound of what I think is supposed to be Bigfoot growling.
- What do you know, we actually get a change when Bigfoot shows up. And appaently, he got the Carpet Sample Fursuit guy to play him.
- And apparently, this is supposed to be D.B. Cooper, the guy who Hijacked a 727, and managed to jump out of it with $200,000 and nobody ever catching it.
- Why do I get the feeling that this stock footage of an airport isn't going to be accurate to 1971?
- My God! He's got a bunch of paper towel rolls tied together with twine, wire, and a clock face!
- Look, I know that, especially post-9/11, you're probably not going to get away with doing a D.B. Cooper movie on the budget of a twinkie, so, maybe just get a greenscreen?
- Okay, apparently, Not-Jacob has another shirtless friend to run with while Bigfoot growls.
- Ah, we're back at the DeCoteau home. And now, it's the home of a bunch of guys, only one of which seems to own a shirt.
- Okay, why the fuck is Bigfoot reacting to this guy just posing with his rifle in his underwear?
- Huh. This guy also owns a shirt, even if it is just a tank top. I guess that's two out of six.
- Seriously, I've lost track of how much time I've spent watching this guy pose with his gun in his underwear.
- Are they implying that Bigfoot's in civilization now?
- Wait, this kid was apparently a Vietnam veteran?
- Okay, most of this movie's just been fanservice: just shirtless guys hiking in the woods, a guy in his underwear posing with guns, and now a dude showering.
- Did Bigfoot just punch that guy out while he was in the shower?
- And now we're back to the D.B. Cooper subplot and we're just over half an hour away from the end.
- How was he on the ground when he wouldn't let anyone else leave the plane?
- Those aren't turkey bones!
- Is Bigfoot just going to fondle this guy's skin?
- Actually, the consensus is that D.B. Cooper probably died once he made it to Earth.
- Wait, did they just imply that Bigfoot was actually one of the shirtless guys? And why are we still hearing Bigfoot growls?
- Wait, Bigfoot works on Werewolf rules now?
Comparing the Universal Oneness of All Life to Yo Mama since 2010.
I was born with the gift of laughter and a sense the world is mad.
I was born with the gift of laughter and a sense the world is mad.