What would Jesus drink? Welcome to the age of Christian energy beverages
Another mega-celeb has entered the beverage game. Or rather, beverage companies have enlisted him in an effort to spread the good word about their product.
Jesus, it turns out, has a branding problem – at least according to the makers of these drinks. Too many people simply haven’t heard the message. “God put it on our hearts to specifically preach the gospel through an energy drink,” the creator of Yahweh says in an Instagram video defending the company against accusations that it exists mainly to turn a profit.
![[Image: Yj1.jpg]](https://i.postimg.cc/zBjwm110/Yj1.jpg)
Unfortunately, after trying the Yahweh energy drink, I don’t feel especially compelled to convert. If the goal is evangelism, Blessed Berry, with its heavy, medicinal notes, may not be the strongest missionary. In fact, the aftertaste lingered with some insistence, like Jehovah’s Witnesses evangelizing at your door even after you told them you were agnostic.
If you want a better-tasting first Christian energy drink, I recommend Preachin’ Peach from Agape.
![[Image: Agap.jpg]](https://i.postimg.cc/qMgsFYDG/Agap.jpg)
The depiction of Jesus is less thirsty, but the peach flavoring is right on target: it tastes almost exactly like a peach lollipop. It’s not quite as aggressively peachy as a peach Nehi, but fans of that drink would probably enjoy this. Or, you know, fans of Christ dying for our sins.
Yahweh has zero calories, while Agape clocks in at 10, and, somehow, those 10 calories seem to matter.
Each case of Agape comes with a single sleeve cardboard gift box designed to be used directly for evangelism. Whether that’s evangelism for Christ or evangelism for Agape, you get to decide. Agape costs $40 for a 20-pack, so one can is roughly $3.30 for a 12oz energy drink. That evangelism tax is a little pricey.
The real standout in flavor, if not in branding, is 4gvn (as in forgiven, what Jesus does with our sins filtered through tech bro speak).
![[Image: 4gvn.jpg]](https://i.postimg.cc/QMZcHM8Y/4gvn.jpg)
There’s no depiction of Jesus on the can, but the flavor Gospel Gummy tastes exactly like a gummy worm. I don’t know how they did that with only the 10 load-bearing calories needed. If you told me Jesus turned water into a gummy worm-flavored energy drink, I would have to believe you.
4gvn is hardly alone in the Christian energy drink ecosystem. There’s Praise Energy, whose mascot, Zion the Lion, is a cartoon lion sporting an “I ♡ Jesus” T-shirt and high-top sneakers. Then there’s Heir Lion, whose mascot feels like it should be a cartoon lion in an “I ♡ Jesus” T-shirt and high-top sneakers – but, confusingly, is not.
Are these brands helping raise awareness for Christianity, or are they just treating Jesus like an uncopyrighted Mickey Mouse?
https://www.theguardian.com/business/202...ergy-drink
Another mega-celeb has entered the beverage game. Or rather, beverage companies have enlisted him in an effort to spread the good word about their product.
Jesus, it turns out, has a branding problem – at least according to the makers of these drinks. Too many people simply haven’t heard the message. “God put it on our hearts to specifically preach the gospel through an energy drink,” the creator of Yahweh says in an Instagram video defending the company against accusations that it exists mainly to turn a profit.
Unfortunately, after trying the Yahweh energy drink, I don’t feel especially compelled to convert. If the goal is evangelism, Blessed Berry, with its heavy, medicinal notes, may not be the strongest missionary. In fact, the aftertaste lingered with some insistence, like Jehovah’s Witnesses evangelizing at your door even after you told them you were agnostic.
If you want a better-tasting first Christian energy drink, I recommend Preachin’ Peach from Agape.
The depiction of Jesus is less thirsty, but the peach flavoring is right on target: it tastes almost exactly like a peach lollipop. It’s not quite as aggressively peachy as a peach Nehi, but fans of that drink would probably enjoy this. Or, you know, fans of Christ dying for our sins.
Yahweh has zero calories, while Agape clocks in at 10, and, somehow, those 10 calories seem to matter.
Each case of Agape comes with a single sleeve cardboard gift box designed to be used directly for evangelism. Whether that’s evangelism for Christ or evangelism for Agape, you get to decide. Agape costs $40 for a 20-pack, so one can is roughly $3.30 for a 12oz energy drink. That evangelism tax is a little pricey.
The real standout in flavor, if not in branding, is 4gvn (as in forgiven, what Jesus does with our sins filtered through tech bro speak).
There’s no depiction of Jesus on the can, but the flavor Gospel Gummy tastes exactly like a gummy worm. I don’t know how they did that with only the 10 load-bearing calories needed. If you told me Jesus turned water into a gummy worm-flavored energy drink, I would have to believe you.
4gvn is hardly alone in the Christian energy drink ecosystem. There’s Praise Energy, whose mascot, Zion the Lion, is a cartoon lion sporting an “I ♡ Jesus” T-shirt and high-top sneakers. Then there’s Heir Lion, whose mascot feels like it should be a cartoon lion in an “I ♡ Jesus” T-shirt and high-top sneakers – but, confusingly, is not.
Are these brands helping raise awareness for Christianity, or are they just treating Jesus like an uncopyrighted Mickey Mouse?
https://www.theguardian.com/business/202...ergy-drink
teachings of the Bible are so muddled and self-contradictory that it was possible for Christians to happily burn heretics alive for five long centuries. It was even possible for the most venerated patriarchs of the Church, like St. Augustine and St. Thomas Aquinas, to conclude that heretics should be tortured (Augustine) or killed outright (Aquinas). Martin Luther and John Calvin advocated the wholesale murder of heretics, apostates, Jews, and witches. - Sam Harris, "Letter To A Christian Nation"
