RE: did you ever truly believe?
February 20, 2012 at 6:34 pm
(This post was last modified: February 20, 2012 at 6:35 pm by Voltair.)
I believed for most of my life and only recently, about 6 months ago, deconverted from Christianity after doing a good bit of thinking, reading, and arguing. I can tell you that I absolutely believed in it whole heartedly. I believed that the Bible was the word of God, etc the whole nine yards really.
I will tell you that it feels a lot different to not believe. I don't feel a sense of duality like I used to. I felt that there was more than one realm/reality in a sense because of the spiritual aspect. I would pray a lot to so I never truly felt COMPLETELY alone until very recently.
One experience that I remember very well is going on a walk and for the first time in my life actually feeling like I was completely alone. It wasn't a sad thing but it was just weird. Now I rather like the feeling because I go to sleep relatively carefree and don't fear death as much either.
The one thing that I am having to deal with though is when I believed I had a definite and defined goal/purpose. I was going to try and evangelize to a lot of people in my life and really work hard to do what I believed was right. I was going to do something big in my life, so I planned, to get it done too. When I lost my faith that all changed and my life path wasn't as certain anymore.
All in all I am still dealing with some aspects of losing my faith but hey having your entire reality unravel before you 6 months ago usually requires some recovery time
I do miss that sense of absolute/idealistic purpose. However not being worried about people suffering forever VASTLY outweighs that set purpose.
The biggest difference between now and then I think is I know that I am now truly free. I am no longer living in a prison/fear trying to live up to the standards of a deity. Even scripture shows that while freedom from sin occurs you become "slaves to Christ".
I am happy to be a free man.
I will tell you that it feels a lot different to not believe. I don't feel a sense of duality like I used to. I felt that there was more than one realm/reality in a sense because of the spiritual aspect. I would pray a lot to so I never truly felt COMPLETELY alone until very recently.
One experience that I remember very well is going on a walk and for the first time in my life actually feeling like I was completely alone. It wasn't a sad thing but it was just weird. Now I rather like the feeling because I go to sleep relatively carefree and don't fear death as much either.
The one thing that I am having to deal with though is when I believed I had a definite and defined goal/purpose. I was going to try and evangelize to a lot of people in my life and really work hard to do what I believed was right. I was going to do something big in my life, so I planned, to get it done too. When I lost my faith that all changed and my life path wasn't as certain anymore.
All in all I am still dealing with some aspects of losing my faith but hey having your entire reality unravel before you 6 months ago usually requires some recovery time
I do miss that sense of absolute/idealistic purpose. However not being worried about people suffering forever VASTLY outweighs that set purpose.The biggest difference between now and then I think is I know that I am now truly free. I am no longer living in a prison/fear trying to live up to the standards of a deity. Even scripture shows that while freedom from sin occurs you become "slaves to Christ".
I am happy to be a free man.
