Hey all, I've been lurking for awhile, recently joined the forums and thought I should introduce myself.
For back round, I was raised a protestant Christian. My mother had some extreme beliefs which she indoctrinated into me and my siblings (demons existed in the flesh, every night you had to say a specific prayer asking God to surround you with angels so demons wouldn't attack you, rapture and apocalyse would occur in the year 2000, etc.) Needless to say, those beliefs had a detrimental effect on my sense of well-being, but also gave me a strong belief in God. Once 2000 hit and I saw that people weren't being whisked away to heaven and demons weren't coming out of the shadows to enslave and torture the remaining people, I started to doubt the beliefs I grew up with. So, like many religious people who start to notice their belief system has some irrefutable holes, I went in search of a more "logical" religion.
As a teenager, I became obsessed with finding the "right" faith. Name a religion, chances are I've researched it until I discovered inconsistencies or components that were "less than divine." I was researching and learning for about 2 years until I picked up "The God Delusion" by Richard Dawkins. As is the case with many people who have read that book, it changed my outlook completely. Dawkins so logically and eloquently made the case against God that I could no longer delude myself in believing the type of God the Abrahamic religions believed existed.
So, I looked into other religions, namely Sikhism and Buddhism. Sikhism seemed improbable from the start- how convenient that 8 of the 10 gurus came from the same family, eh? Mahayana and Vajrayana Buddhism had many aspects that after reading "The God Delusion" I found silly and superstitious- praying to Devas, doing specific rituals and chanting specific prayers to reach enlightenment or a pure land, having a a highly segmented hierarchy in monastic structure, etc.
Theravada Buddhism, however, was different. It was highly logical, and its explanations for reaching enlightenment were realistic. Everything one earns is from ones own effort. Prayers aren't a fast track to a enlightenment, its all about working with yourself and eradicating your emotional fetters such as greed, anger, etc etc etc. It also didn't place any emphasis in believing in supernatural beings, or even an afterlife. I met devout atheist Theravada Buddhism practitioners who used it as a life philosophy. Finally, I found what I was looking for.
Except not.
In complete opposition to the aims of Theravada Buddhism (eliminating suffering), the more I practiced it the more I went into depression. Granted, I do not attribute the depression solely to practicing Buddhism, since I had wrestled with the condition before, but Buddhism definitely affected me. Theravada Buddhism doesn't celebrate life. It appreciates it, but so many parts of the human experience are supposed to be eliminated in order to reach enlightenment. Things I found counter-productive. Forgive those who harm you, and let go of the pain they caused you. Yes, I definitely agree with that, but what about preventing it from happening to others? Let's be honest, many people will continue to harm others unless they feel something negative could come to them from doing it. By forgiving your oppressor without doing anything to prevent the oppressor from harming again, you're giving the person incentive to do it again to others. Monasticism is Theravada's "fast track" to enlightenment. It is supposedly much harder to reach enlightenment as a lay person, because you're engaged with Maya (the world) quite intimately. But wouldn't it be the opposite? Living as a monastic, while challenging (they have ALOT of rules to live by) does not give you nearly as many chances to work out ones issues in the practice arena of the "real world." Do you not have to be engaged with the world to rise above it? It's easy to not have anger, greed, sorrow, etc, when you're removed from many of the situations and environments that cause such feelings. Plus, monasticism seems to be a haven for some misogynists, who continue to be misogynistic years after becoming monks (read about the
"5 Points" at Amaravati monastery in the U.K as an example of misogyny in elder monks) which leads me to believe that there must be something wrong with the system if such a major fetter (hatred of women) can be left pretty much intact even after years of practicing as a monk, which is supposedly the most effective way to practice Buddhism.
So, I no longer practice Theravada Buddhism. Unlike other religions though, I still deeply respect it, because it does have many very helpful teachings, and is still quite logical, even though it has some issues.
I didn't choose to become an atheist, over time the options started to become less and less plausible until I realized I could not delude myself into following a belief system with blatant impossibilities and issues. However, I still long for the sense of unity and community I had when I was in a religious community, so I hope to one day find such a community, albeit with more humanistic, secular ideals. I currently label myself a pantheist, in the sense that the Universe bore us and is an intimate part of us, so we should honor and respect it (to an extent
).
Well, that's my introduction, if you actually read through it all I am pretty impressed! Looking forward to occasionally contributing my thoughts on the forum, cheers!
-Hypatia
For back round, I was raised a protestant Christian. My mother had some extreme beliefs which she indoctrinated into me and my siblings (demons existed in the flesh, every night you had to say a specific prayer asking God to surround you with angels so demons wouldn't attack you, rapture and apocalyse would occur in the year 2000, etc.) Needless to say, those beliefs had a detrimental effect on my sense of well-being, but also gave me a strong belief in God. Once 2000 hit and I saw that people weren't being whisked away to heaven and demons weren't coming out of the shadows to enslave and torture the remaining people, I started to doubt the beliefs I grew up with. So, like many religious people who start to notice their belief system has some irrefutable holes, I went in search of a more "logical" religion.
As a teenager, I became obsessed with finding the "right" faith. Name a religion, chances are I've researched it until I discovered inconsistencies or components that were "less than divine." I was researching and learning for about 2 years until I picked up "The God Delusion" by Richard Dawkins. As is the case with many people who have read that book, it changed my outlook completely. Dawkins so logically and eloquently made the case against God that I could no longer delude myself in believing the type of God the Abrahamic religions believed existed.
So, I looked into other religions, namely Sikhism and Buddhism. Sikhism seemed improbable from the start- how convenient that 8 of the 10 gurus came from the same family, eh? Mahayana and Vajrayana Buddhism had many aspects that after reading "The God Delusion" I found silly and superstitious- praying to Devas, doing specific rituals and chanting specific prayers to reach enlightenment or a pure land, having a a highly segmented hierarchy in monastic structure, etc.
Theravada Buddhism, however, was different. It was highly logical, and its explanations for reaching enlightenment were realistic. Everything one earns is from ones own effort. Prayers aren't a fast track to a enlightenment, its all about working with yourself and eradicating your emotional fetters such as greed, anger, etc etc etc. It also didn't place any emphasis in believing in supernatural beings, or even an afterlife. I met devout atheist Theravada Buddhism practitioners who used it as a life philosophy. Finally, I found what I was looking for.
Except not.
In complete opposition to the aims of Theravada Buddhism (eliminating suffering), the more I practiced it the more I went into depression. Granted, I do not attribute the depression solely to practicing Buddhism, since I had wrestled with the condition before, but Buddhism definitely affected me. Theravada Buddhism doesn't celebrate life. It appreciates it, but so many parts of the human experience are supposed to be eliminated in order to reach enlightenment. Things I found counter-productive. Forgive those who harm you, and let go of the pain they caused you. Yes, I definitely agree with that, but what about preventing it from happening to others? Let's be honest, many people will continue to harm others unless they feel something negative could come to them from doing it. By forgiving your oppressor without doing anything to prevent the oppressor from harming again, you're giving the person incentive to do it again to others. Monasticism is Theravada's "fast track" to enlightenment. It is supposedly much harder to reach enlightenment as a lay person, because you're engaged with Maya (the world) quite intimately. But wouldn't it be the opposite? Living as a monastic, while challenging (they have ALOT of rules to live by) does not give you nearly as many chances to work out ones issues in the practice arena of the "real world." Do you not have to be engaged with the world to rise above it? It's easy to not have anger, greed, sorrow, etc, when you're removed from many of the situations and environments that cause such feelings. Plus, monasticism seems to be a haven for some misogynists, who continue to be misogynistic years after becoming monks (read about the
"5 Points" at Amaravati monastery in the U.K as an example of misogyny in elder monks) which leads me to believe that there must be something wrong with the system if such a major fetter (hatred of women) can be left pretty much intact even after years of practicing as a monk, which is supposedly the most effective way to practice Buddhism.
So, I no longer practice Theravada Buddhism. Unlike other religions though, I still deeply respect it, because it does have many very helpful teachings, and is still quite logical, even though it has some issues.
I didn't choose to become an atheist, over time the options started to become less and less plausible until I realized I could not delude myself into following a belief system with blatant impossibilities and issues. However, I still long for the sense of unity and community I had when I was in a religious community, so I hope to one day find such a community, albeit with more humanistic, secular ideals. I currently label myself a pantheist, in the sense that the Universe bore us and is an intimate part of us, so we should honor and respect it (to an extent
).Well, that's my introduction, if you actually read through it all I am pretty impressed! Looking forward to occasionally contributing my thoughts on the forum, cheers!
-Hypatia
