You asked for a theological explanation, so here is my theological analysis of your experience. Take it or leave it, remembering that you requested it.
What you described is someone who had practically no interest in or desire for God except as an attachment to what was otherwise an almost entirely self-centered pursuit—of a personal religious experience narrowly defined by you on the one hand, instead of being defined by God, and the personal satisfaction of getting the girl on the other, instead of getting God, a girl who was likewise described in self-centered terms of what she did for you. Are you aware of that? Go and re-read your original post and notice how much of it was about you and your desires and how little of it was about God and his—that is, beyond the lip service you paid him with religious platitudes that you were evidently not committed to. (Although he did break through in at least two instances in your experience, which you seem to have missed.) And even your talk about the girl, as I said, was framed in terms of how she made you feel and what she did for you. I am not here to say that there is something wrong with that (whether or not there is), but simply to point out the observation. Go and read it again, stepping outside of your own shoes.
You suggested that by growing closer to her you knew that you would grow closer to God. Again, she was the reason you would grow closer to God. In other words, you were predicating your relationship with God on your relationship with her and what she did for you ("she inspired me"), rather than predicating your relationship with God on him and what he did for you ("God inspired me"). It was about your desires and relationship with the girl, rather than about God's desires and relationship with you, apart from the girl. It is little wonder that God did not honor your hope of getting the girl, testing the integrity of your word that it was about him and his desires, that the girl and your desires take a backseat to God and what he desires. And that test exposed your word.
Moreover, you do not "set things straight with God" by pursuing a personal religious experience narrowly defined by you, nor is that "a strong foundation" for a marriage to be guided by God. There is only one way to set things straight with God, and that is in Jesus Christ through whom alone we can approach God, and only one way for one's life and marriage to be guided by God, and that is by the Spirit of his holy word. A personal religious experience on a missions trip to Thailand, the parameters of which you set instead of seeking after the parameters God has set, is not how a strong foundation is laid for one's life or marriage guided by God, nor is it how one is born again. You looked to the girl, to Thailand, to yourself (your will and your experiences), everywhere but to God and his will and his word. And this you caught some light of, although it seems to have ultimately escaped you.
"I was praying that I could have an encounter with God and be born again," you said. And you went to Thailand to find that. But what did you find there? Nothing terribly remarkable. You could not help but notice how "very familiar" the atmosphere of the place was; "It was the tropical equivalent of my birth country, Chile, but somewhat worse off. I had seen it all before! I was thinking to myself, ‘How am I meant to have a life-changing experience if there is nothing that will break my heart?’." It seemed as though God was unwilling to answer your prayer about being born again through a personal religious experience narrowly defined by you, which makes sense if what we pray for should be according to his will (1 John 5:14-15). And as if to underscore this, what happened next? You were studying the Bible and discussing the nature of God with your roommate, by which you began to understand his love more clearly and became deeply overwhelmed by a personal religious experience. "This is the encounter I had prayed for," you exclaimed. And that certainly follows, for what is the parameters for being born again that God has set? "By his sovereign plan he gave us birth through the message of truth" (James 1:18). "You have been born anew, not from perishable but from imperishable seed, through the living and enduring word of God" (1 Peter 1:23).
Finally, you said that you had told God you were prioritizing him over this girl, that you were willing to sacrifice your desires for his. Then you said that this girl eventually and graciously turned you down because she was not prepared for marital courtship, which you attributed to God working in mysterious ways. But then you also equated it with "things that go wrong." How does that work? You told God you were prioritizing him over this girl, that you were willing to sacrifice your desires for his. It seems to me God took you up on that and held you to it. Is that not things going right? It would seem that God did reward you for focusing on him instead of a girl, by granting you the personal religious experience you were seeking when you drank from his word. But was that truly the reward you were seeking? Or was it the girl you sought as a reward? At the end of the day, you did not sacrifice your desires for his. It was a religious platitude which you were not committed to, for your desires took priority. Your word was tested and exposed, for when you did not get what you wanted, you left God behind.
What you described is someone who had practically no interest in or desire for God except as an attachment to what was otherwise an almost entirely self-centered pursuit—of a personal religious experience narrowly defined by you on the one hand, instead of being defined by God, and the personal satisfaction of getting the girl on the other, instead of getting God, a girl who was likewise described in self-centered terms of what she did for you. Are you aware of that? Go and re-read your original post and notice how much of it was about you and your desires and how little of it was about God and his—that is, beyond the lip service you paid him with religious platitudes that you were evidently not committed to. (Although he did break through in at least two instances in your experience, which you seem to have missed.) And even your talk about the girl, as I said, was framed in terms of how she made you feel and what she did for you. I am not here to say that there is something wrong with that (whether or not there is), but simply to point out the observation. Go and read it again, stepping outside of your own shoes.
You suggested that by growing closer to her you knew that you would grow closer to God. Again, she was the reason you would grow closer to God. In other words, you were predicating your relationship with God on your relationship with her and what she did for you ("she inspired me"), rather than predicating your relationship with God on him and what he did for you ("God inspired me"). It was about your desires and relationship with the girl, rather than about God's desires and relationship with you, apart from the girl. It is little wonder that God did not honor your hope of getting the girl, testing the integrity of your word that it was about him and his desires, that the girl and your desires take a backseat to God and what he desires. And that test exposed your word.
Moreover, you do not "set things straight with God" by pursuing a personal religious experience narrowly defined by you, nor is that "a strong foundation" for a marriage to be guided by God. There is only one way to set things straight with God, and that is in Jesus Christ through whom alone we can approach God, and only one way for one's life and marriage to be guided by God, and that is by the Spirit of his holy word. A personal religious experience on a missions trip to Thailand, the parameters of which you set instead of seeking after the parameters God has set, is not how a strong foundation is laid for one's life or marriage guided by God, nor is it how one is born again. You looked to the girl, to Thailand, to yourself (your will and your experiences), everywhere but to God and his will and his word. And this you caught some light of, although it seems to have ultimately escaped you.
"I was praying that I could have an encounter with God and be born again," you said. And you went to Thailand to find that. But what did you find there? Nothing terribly remarkable. You could not help but notice how "very familiar" the atmosphere of the place was; "It was the tropical equivalent of my birth country, Chile, but somewhat worse off. I had seen it all before! I was thinking to myself, ‘How am I meant to have a life-changing experience if there is nothing that will break my heart?’." It seemed as though God was unwilling to answer your prayer about being born again through a personal religious experience narrowly defined by you, which makes sense if what we pray for should be according to his will (1 John 5:14-15). And as if to underscore this, what happened next? You were studying the Bible and discussing the nature of God with your roommate, by which you began to understand his love more clearly and became deeply overwhelmed by a personal religious experience. "This is the encounter I had prayed for," you exclaimed. And that certainly follows, for what is the parameters for being born again that God has set? "By his sovereign plan he gave us birth through the message of truth" (James 1:18). "You have been born anew, not from perishable but from imperishable seed, through the living and enduring word of God" (1 Peter 1:23).
Finally, you said that you had told God you were prioritizing him over this girl, that you were willing to sacrifice your desires for his. Then you said that this girl eventually and graciously turned you down because she was not prepared for marital courtship, which you attributed to God working in mysterious ways. But then you also equated it with "things that go wrong." How does that work? You told God you were prioritizing him over this girl, that you were willing to sacrifice your desires for his. It seems to me God took you up on that and held you to it. Is that not things going right? It would seem that God did reward you for focusing on him instead of a girl, by granting you the personal religious experience you were seeking when you drank from his word. But was that truly the reward you were seeking? Or was it the girl you sought as a reward? At the end of the day, you did not sacrifice your desires for his. It was a religious platitude which you were not committed to, for your desires took priority. Your word was tested and exposed, for when you did not get what you wanted, you left God behind.
Man is a rational animal who always loses his temper when
called upon to act in accordance with the dictates of reason.
(Oscar Wilde)
called upon to act in accordance with the dictates of reason.
(Oscar Wilde)
