In the Beginning Man Was Stupid

[Cinjin]

OK, first I have to say that I cannot find the words that express how much of an idiot you are if you buy into the following story. Anyone who believes that Genesis 3 is a true account of an actual historical event on this planet is gullible halfwit.

Secondly, there are so many contradictions and oddities in this short section of scripture, you would think that one would stamp it as Bull Shit and move on immediately upon reading it. However, since there are many idiots in the world and this is excellent meat for a filthy apologist to sink his teeth into ... lets have at it shall we.

Now the serpent was more crafty than any of the wild animals the Lord God had made. He said to the woman, “Did God really say, ‘You must not eat from any tree in the garden’?”

I find this rather odd: "more crafty than any of the wild animals?" Why is Lucifer referred to as just one of the wild animals??

2 The woman said to the serpent, “We may eat fruit from the trees in the garden, 3 but God did say, ‘You must not eat fruit from the tree that is in the middle of the garden, and you must not touch it, or you will die.’”
4 “You will not certainly die,” the serpent said to the woman. 5 “For God knows that when you eat from it your eyes will be opened, and you will be like God, knowing good and evil.”
6 When the woman saw that the fruit of the tree was good for food and pleasing to the eye, and also desirable for gaining wisdom, she took some and ate it. She also gave some to her husband, who was with her, and he ate it. 7 Then the eyes of both of them were opened, and they realized they were naked; so they sewed fig leaves together and made coverings for themselves.

Interesting: The serpent didn't lie. They did find out the difference between good and evil (well sort of, the only thing they seemed to find out is that it's evil to be naked with your spouse).
Also, "you shall surely die" is quite a stretch when in fact they allegedly lived another 3 centuries and it stands to reason that neither of them went to hell since clearly they would have definitely believed in their creator and that would void out the possibility of Drich's favorite - "the second death." Although admittedly, I wouldn't put it past their narcissistic god to toss 'em into hell just cause he can.

Then the man and his wife heard the sound of the Lord God as he was walking in the garden in the cool of the day, and they hid from the Lord God among the trees of the garden. 9 But the Lord God called to the man, “Where are you?”

How does an all powerful, all knowing god NOT know where to find two people? What a tool.

He answered, “I heard you in the garden, and I was afraid because I was naked; so I hid.”
11 And he said, “Who told you that you were naked? Have you eaten from the tree that I commanded you not to eat from?”

Isn't god just being a bit of a dick now?? I mean he is all knowing isn't he? Either god's being an arrogant prick right here or he really doesn't know jack shit.

12 The man said, “The woman you put here with me—she gave me some fruit from the tree, and I ate it.”

lol ... yeah, chivalry hadn't been invented yet.

13 Then the Lord God said to the woman, “What is this you have done?”
The woman said, “The serpent deceived me, and I ate.”
14 So the Lord God said to the serpent, “Because you have done this,
“Cursed are you above all livestock and all wild animals! You will crawl on your belly and you will eat dust all the days of your life.
15 And I will put enmity between you and the woman, and between your offspring[a] and hers; he will crush[b] your head, and you will strike his heel.”

Now I know these three verses are an apologist's wet dream, but lets face it, the wording leaves some guessing.
We all know that the serpent is Lucifer, aka, the Devil, the Great Tempter. So is god cursing Lucifer or is he cursing the snake family?
Because CLEARLY Lucifer is not condemned to slithering around on his belly. In fact the bible brags of Lucifer's beauty and his powerful abilities on this planet. So exactly who is god cursing here? Certainly not the devil, cause if he is, apparently god's curses are pretty damn pathetic especially considering that Lucifer himself eventually walks and talks with Christ.

16 To the woman he said,
“I will make your pains in childbearing very severe; with painful labor you will give birth to children.
Your desire will be for your husband, and he will rule over you.”

That one was a little too easy wasn't it. I mean god might not have changed anything. It's not like Eve had ever had a kid prior to know the difference and everybody knows a clone is never as good as the original.

17 To Adam he said, “Because you listened to your wife and ate fruit from the tree about which I commanded you, ‘You must not eat from it,’
“Cursed is the ground because of you; through painful toil you will eat food from it all the days of your life.
18 It will produce thorns and thistles for you, and you will eat the plants of the field.
19 By the sweat of your brow you will eat your food until you return to the ground, since from it you were taken;
for dust you are and to dust you will return.”

Adam: "Seriously?! All because I ate a piece of fruit and I saw my own wife naked on an entire planet that has no one else living on it?!"
King David can kill people and commit adultery, but Adam eats a piece of fruit and the entire world gets a one way ticket to hell. I'm always a little amazed how a christard keeps a straight face when he refers to Yahweh as a "just and loving god." All of scripture points to the opposite.

20 Adam[c] named his wife Eve,[d] because she would become the mother of all the living.
21 The Lord God made garments of skin for Adam and his wife and clothed them. 22 And the Lord God said, “The man has now become like one of us, knowing good and evil. He must not be allowed to reach out his hand and take also from the tree of life and eat, and live forever.”

The lord god said that he's become like one of "us?"
Who the fuck is he talking about? The angels? Him and Lucifer? Some other gods?
Why exactly is it so important that they not have the knowledge about good and evil since it's the wizard himself who gave it to them???????????

23 So the Lord God banished him from the Garden of Eden to work the ground from which he had been taken. 24 After he drove the man out, he placed on the east side[e] of the Garden of Eden cherubim and a flaming sword flashing back and forth to guard the way to the tree of life.

Apparently hind-sight is 20/20 even for the omnipotent creator.
I'm guessing that if you had put that little baby angel with a flaming sword in front of the tree before hand you wouldn't have had to curse the ground, kill the livestock, Babel the languages, stone the children, drown the planet, kill your own son, build a hell and send billions of oblivious souls into eternal torment.

But hey, god works in mysterious ways right? whatever.