Is it strange that I want there to be a God ?

[Mystical]

a God of judgment
God declared war on the world once adam turned it over to satan
what would you expect from a world at war

God is big enough to take ultimate responsibility
'See now that I, I am He, And there is no god besides Me; It is I who
put to death and give life. I have wounded and it is I who heal, And there
is no one who can deliver from My hand.
no surprise, isn't ultimate responsibility the providence of God?

sure blame God for everything
He is God after all
and guess what....eventually God kills everybody too

I don't blame god for anything anymore. But, humoring you: even if he did exist: the thing is, he's still nowhere doing nothing. He doesn't heal, he doesn't deliver. Thing is, all he does is puts to death and allows pain, illness, murder, torture, and he takes no responsibility for what goes on here because he does nothing. He. Does. Nothing. At the very least he's a sick fuck who finds our tribulations entertaining. And don't go spouting about Jesus, I already know that god gave his one and only begotton son. To die for mankind for a system of sin we never created in the first place, just for him to be raised from the dead and given a throne as a god. I could die too quite easily if I knew I was comin back. That's the crux of your belief: death is so much easier to handle if you know there's something thereafter. Even if you're willing to stomach the hell thing for that safety blanket, it still makes you a baby.