what being apart from the law means.

[FallentoReason]

Now take another step back and follow your thought to it's conclusion.. Months tick by, maybe even years, and at some point the 'believer' (maybe after after loosing the girl he wanted to someone elses even after he had struck a deal with his idea of God) concludes he has been behind his own experience of god all along. Then what happpens? Then the disgruntled misotheists takes the name Atheist because 'Miso/hate' and intollerance is a soceitial sin that is not easily over come. Starts an anti God Campaign (unknowingly this is most likly the first bit of honest 'seeking' the Miso, has ever done.) Unfortunatly pride keeps the Miso from the Ask/Knock part because of "ALL" the "Christian things" he did in the past.

I'll take your stabs at my personal life as a sign that I'm getting to you. Here's something else I haven't told you about that missions trip (I think):

2 of my friends and myself were getting ready for bed. We all jumped into our beds and whipped out our Bibles. I was reading a passage about treasures being stored in heaven and this raised a particular question I had, so I asked one of my friends. Before long, he basically started painting this picture before me of God's never-ending love for us via different verses. The more he explained this, the warmer I felt in my chest. I was trying my hardest to stay focused on what he was telling me, but I couldn't keep it in and I cracked. I started crying so hard at this overwhelming feeling that came over me that I got up and headed to the bathroom to clean myself up. For the next 15-20 minutes I couldn't stop crying (and sweating from this intense warm feeling inside of me). It was getting late so we had to turn off the lights and go to bed, but there I was still silently sobbing to myself at how compassionate God was. From then on, I knew I had had a personal experience with God.

I, like you, had up to that point already accepted that God existed, that he had a personal relationship with everyone, that Jesus was his Son & that the Bible speaks the truth. Like in 1984, I let go of reason (i.e. God never appearing despite my sincere belief in him) and went with faith. The result? Fooling myself, just like you do, that I had encountered God.