Atheists dealing with their religious families

[Clueless Morgan]

I've had this conversation with my mom several times. She's a big-time Christian in the heart of bible-thumping Texas.

The problem with having this conversation with my mom, and others like her, is that they don't understand what critical thinking is. They don't recognize invalid logic. They don't recognize circular reasoning. They are blinded by confirmation bias, and have zero clue what the hell I'm even talking about or why my objections are valid. They have literally had God-blinders on their entire lives, and I don't know how many other tacts I could try that would have more effective results.

I'm reading A Manual for Creating Atheists by Peter Boghossian right now and it has some interesting ideas about how to approach conversations with theists - he is specifically aiming at deconverting people or disabusing them of their faith (whether that's your thing or not), but I think it is valuable in understanding the process of getting someone to recognize their own cognitive dissonance.

I'm finding it interesting at least.

There are different kinds of Christians that have more potential for being made aware of their faith being a hoax than others. Some people derive so much comfort from their belief, and have done so for so long, that the very idea of questioning it brings them discomfort and fear. They're minds have safe-guarded their belief and it is not even on the table to being challenged (look at some of our resident theists here). They suffer from a state of doxastic closure (a reluctance to change a belief) that prevents them from honestly analyzing their belief. There's no telling what it will take to get someone to reach a level of doxastic openness with regards to their faith, but they're less likely to acheive that if they don't have, understand, or value the tools of logic at all. It's a sad state that perpetuates bad ideas.

I think, and I hope, that my mom is in this category - she knows that a ton of stuff about Christianity is bullshit, she just doesn't care. My dad's another story; if my mom doesn't care, my dad isn't even in the same galaxy as not caring; he's completely ambivalent. I'm not entirely sure he's ever given an ounce of thought about religion, but he's sure steeped in god-believing culture: he's a diehard NASCAR fan, listens almost primarily to country music, is almost the most obnoxious Republican I know (the first most obnoxious is a fundy christian lady I see once a month at a movie night I go to*), and seems to take pride in the idea that he's a Northwestern Redneck. My mom could probably be reasoned with, even though she's the one who grew up going to church and who comes from "the religious side of the family"; my dad, as far as I know, never went to church and was probably never indoctrinated into a formal god belief, but I know for a fact there's no reasoning with him.

This has been my experience anyway, and it doesn't stop me from defending my position. If my mom and other Christians feel comfortable spewing unsolicited religious nonsense, then I make no apologies for the response they get in return. This shit is never gonna end if they continue to get a pass. This idea that religious beliefs should get a pass has to be denied on all fronts. Even when it comes to family, and yes, I know it's harder. There are genuinely evil things that are masquerading under the cover of these seemingly harmless hopes. I'm over it. It took me a long time to decode my thoughts toward this subject, so I certainly understand why others remain cautious. But honestly, it just feels like the right thing to do. Be who you are, and know that there's nothing wrong with that!

I agree. I really should speak up more.

* My dearest ambition is to one day spring on her that I'm an atheist but that would be the end of movie night and I enjoy going. The only reason I don't say anything now is that I know exactly the response she'll have: "Well, have you read the bible??" and then it'll turn into a big "You just don't understand the bible!" argument and I'm not well versed enough with the bible to even have that conversation. There are several other very devout Christian ladies who occassionally come to movie night and the other reason I don't say anything is because I have absolutely zero desire to become anyone's project, "Let's convert the atheist!!" - also, I have no desire to be ganged up on.