Preacher joke 01

[Sejanus]

Preacher jokes, eh?

"Father, I called a man a son-of-a-bitch yesterday."
"Why did you call him a son-of-a-bitch??" the priest asked.
"Because, father, he touched me on my arm without permission"
"Do you mean like this??" He touches her arm.
"Yes father."
"That's no reason for calling him a son-of-a-bitch."
"But father he also touched my breasts."
"You mean like this??" He touches her breasts.
"Yes father."
"That's no reason to call him a son-of-a-bitch."
"But father, he took off my clothes."
"Like this??" He takes off her clothes.
"Yes father."
"That's no reason to call him a son-of-a-bitch."
"But father he then put his you-know-what in my you-know-where."
"Like this??" He put his you-know-what in her you-know-where.
"Yes father," she says sometime later, after catching her breath.
"But that's no reason to call him a son-of-a-bitch."
"But father, he has AIDS."
"THAT SON-OF-A-BITCH!!!!!!!!!!!"

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I read this in the paper this morning: New York City has a priest shortage. To give you an idea how bad it is, earlier today in Brooklyn an altar boy had to grope himself.

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(Old but good)
Whats the difference between acne and a Catholic Priest?

Acne will usually not come on a kid's face until around 13 or 14 years of age.

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A new priest does confession for the first time and is extremely nervous. Father Murphy, the seasoned veteran, assures him it’s no problem, there’s a chart on the wall listing the sins and number of Hail Mary’s.

First sinner comes in and says, “Father forgive me for I have sinned”. New priest ask what he’s done and he says, “I lusted in my heart”. New Priest looks at the chart and replies, “Three Hail Mary’s.”

Next sinner comes in and says, “Father forgive me for I have sinned.” New priest asks what he’s done and he says “I committed adultery”. New Priest looks at the chart and replies, “Five Hail Mary’s.”

Next sinner comes in and says, “Father forgive me for I have sinned”. New priest asks what he’s done and he says “I sexually molested an altar boy.” New priest is aghast, but looks on the chart. Nowhere on the chart is this sin. He’s really starting to sweat. The new priest runs out of the confessional in search of help. In the front of the church is altar boy. The new priest runs up to him and asks, “What does Father Murphy give for sexually molesting an altar boy?”

Altar boy replies, “A candy bar.”

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Q. How do you get a Nun pregnant?

A. Dress her up as an altar boy