The Historical Jesus is real and He rose from the grave

[DeistPaladin]

Every time some christian arsehole tells us to repent, he or she is actually telling us we're bad people and implying that the christian is better than us.

It's actually "step 3" in the cliched process that I have the most problem with.

As I understand it, the pitch often goes like this:

Step 1: Admit you are a sinner.

If by "sin" you mean that I'm not perfect or have done things in my life I regret, sure.

Step 2: Be willing to turn from sin or "repent"

I already believe this. I try to face my mistakes honestly and learn from them, resolving to be better in the future.

Step 3: Believe that God sent himself down to earth to become his own son so that he could make everything OK by dying on a cross as this was the only means to convince himself to forgive all of us for being the sinful beings that we are because an ancestor of ours that was made from a rib ate a magic fruit after speaking with a talking snake.
Believe that this blood sacrifice makes all your mistakes OK because... well, that part is never explained.

You had me. You had me. You lost me.