I hate human race,civilization and people in groups.

[MountainsWinAgain]

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Ok, I suspected it but now I am sure. It is not your English, it is the way your thoughts run through your head. There is high chance you have ADHD, so get evaluated by a psychiatrist right away. Look closely at what you wrote:

I'm very familiar with everything you wrote. I'm mostly an cheerful young guy,I have done lots of psychedelics and cannabis in order to expend my consciousnesses and it was great,but now I'm making an pause until I finish school completely I will only smoke or eat mushrooms at festivals. I know ways how to stimulate dopamin,oxycontin,serotonin and endorphin. I mostly look for an sex partner because a relationship seems boring and waist of my identity and emotions,I can fall for an girls look anytime but I haven't found a girl which whom I would fall in love for her philosophy and looks this two factors are very important for me and if the girl does not posses that there isn't even a slight chance I will ever fall in love with her. I look for a partner for only one reason to escape loneliness but in the last few weeks I started to practice self love and the want for an partner just faded away.

Lets break it into thoughts:

I'm very familiar with everything you wrote.

Here you acknowledged my ideas.

I'm mostly an cheerful young guy,I have done lots of psychedelics and cannabis in order to expend my consciousnesses and it was great

Here you give me the proof as to why you acknowledged it.

but now I'm making an pause until I finish school completely

Here you say that you quit psychedelics because of your studies.

I will only smoke or eat mushrooms at festivals.

Now you tell me that's not quite exact, in fact you do take some occasionally, even-though you're in school.

I know ways how to stimulate dopamin,oxycontin,serotonin and endorphin.

Here oxycontin is not a natural brain chemical, in fact it's not even a molecule, it's a brand. So you can't stimulate it because your brain doesn't have it. What you can do is administer it. I think you're trying to show your knowledge in biochemistry.

I mostly look for an sex partner because a relationship seems boring and waist of my identity and emotions,I can fall for an girls look anytime but I haven't found a girl which whom I would fall in love for her philosophy and looks this two factors are very important for me and if the girl does not posses that there isn't even a slight chance I will ever fall in love with her.

Now you suddenly jump into sexuality without keeping the order. This scattered thoughts is typical of ADHD. You cannot even apply proper spacing because your thoughts run so fast through your head that you need to write those down as fast as possible before you forget them. Like, you literally have no time to hit the space bar.

I look for a partner for only one reason to escape loneliness but in the last few weeks I started to practice self love and the want for an partner just faded away.

Again, scattered thoughts. You move from one idea to another like a sailing boat from one wave to another, lead by the tormented sea.

Don't take this as an insult, but more as a life changer:

See a psychiatrist and give him/her a copy of this post that I wrote right now.

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yea,thanks for you help,but I think that staying and writing replays on this forum at 1 am can be the cause of my bad written sentences and the fact that when I'm under stress I type like this.

I had really tough emotional breakdown not long ago because of a girl. I won't go into details but it really screwed me up. In the end she ended up in the hospital because she took some pills and I took all the blame onto me (even If I wasn't to blame). I also had some background history of people who I considered to be good friends and I trusted them and in the end they betrayed me and I always forgive them and accepted them back,but this happened more than once almost all people I loved betrayed me and this left an big hole in my heart. And when that girl did what she did to me everything from the past and the doings of that girl collided together and I entered a phase of "extreme" depression I cried everyday at random times,my eyes were fucking red as hell,my mom and dad were really hurt because of what was going on with me and I elude everyone even my dad and mom who tried to help me I could not stand them nor could I stand any other human being,....Anyway it was really tough,I heard things that weren't there,I smelled things that weren't there,I even hallucinated things and I had two or three voices in my had that always beat on me,I said to myself I'm going to get better I'm going to go through this depression and when I finished this sentience immediately two voices screamed angrily back: No you won't you are a loser,everyone hate you,you are pathetic!!!

But in the past few weeks I putted myself back in order,I figured out the cause of my depression,I started practising self love and I'm better than ever,the girl has no more control over me,I still have the two voices in my head but they now always agree with me,I'm not anti-social any more and I like spending time with people again. I haven't feel so "stable" in a long time and I have a feeling that I'm not going back to depression any time soon.

About the psychologist I have seen one and he was one of the best you could get,and what I can say is that he did not help anything! He only took 100 euros for 1 hour of talking ,and he didn't help me anything he just prescribed me to visit another psychologist.