No kids for me, but several men I've dated had kids, and various degrees of closeness in their relationships with them. 'John' was extremely paranoid about his daughter, she never knew her dad dated me, I never met her, her dad rarely discussed her with me except as she was the reason we couldn't get together on a particular evening because of some school activity.
'Steve' had no kid (or wife) when we dated, but I found his obit recently and he subsequent to me married 2 different women, and had a daughter by the second. The big 'reveal' in the obit wasn't the wives or the kid, it was my reading between the lines and realizing he managed to achieve his lifetime alcoholic merit badge (death) at age 58.
'Dewey' had been married and had an infant son prior to our relationship. Wife and kid died in a car accident about a year before I met him. I realize now, and FAR, FAR too late, my attitude about his loss was EXTREMELY immature and inappropriate at the time. And when I figured that out, he was long gone, and then, I realized I understood him, and it became a big loss for me too.
'Mike' stuck around with the wifey till his daughter graduated from college. Daughter was PO'd to learn marriage was a 'sham' for pretty much the whole run, and despite 'Mike's' sacrifice (IMO), the bitch still bitterly estranged herself from him. I was better in my response that go round.
Yeah, I think it's a bit odd most of the men I've seriously dated had a kid. In my peer group of friends (such as remain since HIV, which is about 1/2) kids are pretty unusual. At my gay 12 Steppers meetings, the number of kids mentioned is pretty depressing. Bad enough a kid has to cope with an addict parent (or two) but having their parents relationship implode over same sex attraction on top of that tends to really up the collateral damages. (of course, there is a selection bias by my only encountering the ones that wind up in 12 Steppers with me).
Worst 12 Stepper meeting I've been to on the topic of fathers and kids, would have been the one where a dad was talking about his murdered daughter. JFC, it is really tough hearing that.
'Steve' had no kid (or wife) when we dated, but I found his obit recently and he subsequent to me married 2 different women, and had a daughter by the second. The big 'reveal' in the obit wasn't the wives or the kid, it was my reading between the lines and realizing he managed to achieve his lifetime alcoholic merit badge (death) at age 58.
'Dewey' had been married and had an infant son prior to our relationship. Wife and kid died in a car accident about a year before I met him. I realize now, and FAR, FAR too late, my attitude about his loss was EXTREMELY immature and inappropriate at the time. And when I figured that out, he was long gone, and then, I realized I understood him, and it became a big loss for me too.
'Mike' stuck around with the wifey till his daughter graduated from college. Daughter was PO'd to learn marriage was a 'sham' for pretty much the whole run, and despite 'Mike's' sacrifice (IMO), the bitch still bitterly estranged herself from him. I was better in my response that go round.
Yeah, I think it's a bit odd most of the men I've seriously dated had a kid. In my peer group of friends (such as remain since HIV, which is about 1/2) kids are pretty unusual. At my gay 12 Steppers meetings, the number of kids mentioned is pretty depressing. Bad enough a kid has to cope with an addict parent (or two) but having their parents relationship implode over same sex attraction on top of that tends to really up the collateral damages. (of course, there is a selection bias by my only encountering the ones that wind up in 12 Steppers with me).
Worst 12 Stepper meeting I've been to on the topic of fathers and kids, would have been the one where a dad was talking about his murdered daughter. JFC, it is really tough hearing that.
