I Don't Have Enough Faith to be an Atheist

[Bibliofagus]

They do not know you very well. At least, on this topic.
I'm curious what action they've taken to understand your position in turn.

I suppose that's partly my fault. I was an atheist for years before I 'came out' to them. Someone finally asked me about my religious position straight up, I suppose they were all assuming I was still some kind of Pentecostal. And since then I've avoided arguing about it: disabusing them of their beliefs, even if that were possible, would break a large part of their identity, and I don't see much of an up side to doing that so late in their lives. I want them to be happy. And they want me to be saved, and I don't think they believe it's possible for me to be really happy if I'm not. But I'm afraid the paradigm of me sitting quietly during my visits while they share inspirational stories with me is wearing thin.

I was thinking a bit beyond the point why you avoiding arguing about it with them, and I feel a bit of an asshole for sorta making you defend the reasons for the way you interact with your family. That was not my intention.

The thing I meant to say and ask is:
Somehow they feel the need to get you to buy a book. A book that - for anyone familiar with you by reading both AF's - is likely to bolster your unbelief instead of causing you to move back to the flock.
I think they made a mistake choosing this book.

I also think your family should accept a similar challenge from you to read a book or watch a video highlighting your side of what you think. And I'm curious what you would choose.