Conflicted, Life Has No Inherent Meaning But I Want to Adopt One

[abaris]

1) I am 21, want to go back to school, and I know I'm smart enough to do it. Being a computer scientist or programmer could mean a whole lot, but is that the answer to my unhappiness?

2) I love to write, read, and play piano. But it's like a drug. Good in the moment, but eventually tomorrow I am wallowing in my own self pity and hatred.

3) I want to make people happy and be happy. But what does that mean?

So why don't you have a try at all of them. It's not as if any option would exclude the other. Go to school, do some voluntary work and write away when you got the time.