Conflicted, Life Has No Inherent Meaning But I Want to Adopt One

[Lek]

So I am pretty fixed in my disbelief. I don't hate the idea of a "god" but I hate what religion and people do to it. But in the end...the god question is pretty meaningless.

I used to derive meaning and purpose from being mormon. And though I was sometimes a fake believer, the delusion was empowering. Losing all that conflicts things.

There may be no real meaning or purpose...but there was be a way to feel empowered as an american atheist and regain a sense of stability and find happiness.

What is happiness? What am I? Why am I always depressed? What will make me happy? It appears almost as if nothing has the answer, nor does medical treatment.

Have you ever read the book of Ecclesiastes from the bible? It addresses you situation rather directly.