"I may be fat, but I beat my eating disorder"

[CapnAwesome]

Ok I get it, you don't like it - but I still don't see how you go from "You can't dictate what physique I'm attracted to" to what we should be "okay with", whatever that means, or society pushing something on you, or even the whole health issue. Probably 99.x percent of women in the world do not align with your standards of attractiveness, and you're really not the arbiter of what's "ok". Your statement sound a bit as if you were afraid that the factory stops making women you find hot, and you'd get ostracised for not adapting, or something, and that doesn't seem to belong here.

I'm not specifically talking about me, although I can see why it would appear that way, I'm just using myself as an example because I'm whom I'm most familiar with. I'm certainly not some super picky person when it comes to attractiveness (I am when it comes to personality) 99% of women aren't overweight or out of shape. There is a large percentage of the male population who will never be attracted to fat women, no matter how much self affirmation they give themselves or how often they make facebook posts telling the world how beautiful they are. That doesn't change anything at all for men and no amount of it ever will. It's just reality. Reality isn't always comfortable or polite.

Also I would never ostracize a woman for being fat. That's totally unfair. I'm perfectly capable of being friends with women, and I don't take appearances into consideration when it comes to friendship. Honestly it's pretty fucked up when someone just assumes that because I wouldn't want to fuck a fat girl that I wouldn't want to interact with them. That's unfair and I haven't said anything that would lead someone to that conclusion.

The other thing is I don't really understand why it's even an issue. Why do overweight women feel the need to be found attractive or told they are healthy on such a regular basis? It screams insecurity. If they are genuinely comfortable in their own bodies you don't go around telling everyone all the time. You just let it be.

As for the health issue, being fat is unhealthy. It is the number one preventable cause of death in America. No amount of screaming 'I'm healthy' is going to change that. Diet and exercise will change it. I don't think it's particularly insensitive to point out the truth. Whether or not I'm here to point out facts doesn't change that they are facts.

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No one has been called a bigot here, either.

Looks matter to me too, but they're not the most important criterion by a long shot, for me. I don't find obese or even fat women attractive physically, and that is certainly part of romantic love, so in that sense, I'm shallow, and I'll freely admit it.

On the other hand, with a pretty broad range of physiques, mentality, maturity, and emotional outlook are more important. I've met plenty of beautiful women who wouldn't catch a second glance from most men, and I've met plenty of knockouts who turn ugly as soon as they say something. Both anomalies happen to me because attitude is a deep part of sex appeal, to me.

I'm not criticizing anyone here. I'm hoping that a good discussion about social perceptions of attractiveness comes about, because I find that one of the more interesting things about people -- how tastes are shaped by environment and social milieu.

Sorry, trying to carry on two conversations at once is somewhat difficult sometimes. Alex pretty much called me a bigot for not being attracted to fat women. (?) The word bigot wasn't used, but what somehow the conclusion was drawn that I thought fat women should be ostracized from society because I (and many other men) am not attracted to them. Obviously that's not what I think or remotely close to what I said, but people tend towards hyperbole on the internet and I probably got too drawn in.

As for environment shaping attitudes toward attractiveness (I agree the far more interesting of conversations) I think some of it is environmental although not all of it. Evolutionarily it makes sense that we would want fit mates, so that we could make fit children who have a better chance of surviving. 95% of human history we were living in hunter gatherer societies where fitness was key to our survival. We had predators and had to hunt prey. I think this is not to be overlooked when it comes to what men (and women) find attractive in mates. Culture can only change what is in our genes so much.

I also question whether or not society being accepting towards overweight women has that much to do with mental health. I think there are many biological reasons why obese people have higher mental health problem. Not being accepted for some physical thing is an easy scapegoat and way to blame their problems on other people (hardly a unique human condition). While it may be a contributing factor, I think a more major one is that they simply aren't getting enough exercise. Lack of physical activity is a huge contributing factor to depression. We have evolved to be active and the sloth of modern society is a very recent phenomenon. The rest of human existence we were extremely active. Our survival depended on it. Is it a surprise that inactive people are more prone to being depressed? I think not. I would hypothesis that if every man on the planet would somehow start being attracted to overweight women, they would still be more depressed for simple biological reasons. That the cultural elements are overstated (although not irrelevant.)