Life Is Always Perfect

[robvalue]

My life could be a hell of a lot worse. But I'd still rather be dead. Life is shit. The world is shit.

But I do the best I can. I have to actively apply blinkers, just pretend certain stuff isn't happening in the world, to be able to function.

I'm glad others are enjoying life more than I am. I hated the world even before I became ill, but I was better at dealing with it then.

I hear you. I really do. I do a lot of deep thinking about the state of the world, and sometimes it gets to me.

I will admit to playing the ostrich at times, trying to live my life in a little bubble with no thoughts to the world at large. It works at times and at times it doesn't. It's not that I want to ignore pressing issues; it's just that I don't believe I can affect any change whatsoever.

Also, I hate to hear you're ill.

Thank you, my friend

There's no need to apologize for that, there are things we simply cannot do anything about and it doesn't help to think about them at all, past being aware of them. So pragmatically it is best to blinker them out. I think some people aren't even aware they are doing this, it's an automatic human skill. Compartmentalising. The people who give it more thought realize they are doing it, but there really is no option. So I wasn't trying to imply I'm the only one who realizes how shit things are, sorry if I came across that way. It's just that being depressed unfortunately heightens my sensitivity and makes this process harder.

I have never made any actual, real plans to kill myself. That is a huge achievement for me in my fight against my illness. It shows I'm stronger than I give myself credit for. But if my wife and pets weren't relying on me, it would be a different story.