Ok, necessary disclaimers first. One, take caution if you're prone to being bored, this is going to be long and uninteresting. Two, I'm aware there are several threads about other people already and you're probably sick of hearing personal stories, but now is a perfect occasion for me to write this, which may not happen again soon. I'll explain later. If you're still reading, here's snother disclaimer for good measure: it may contain touchy subjects.
With that out of the way, let us embark on the magical journey into the bizarre details of my bland life.
So after having been here for two glorious monts (I know, flew right by) I've concluded that you are apparently not going to eat me, how strange. Hence this thread. Opening up to people is not my biggest strength and I would like to preserve anonymity, but I really enjoyed getting to know more about the people here and I realised you probably don't know much about me.
Let's start with the personal details I feel comfortable giving away. I'm 16, but talking to other people my age makes me feel old. I live in Silesia. That's in Poland, at least it was last time I checked. My hobbies include video games, languages, art and Nicolas Cage movies.
I have issues. Multiple issues. Apparently I'm just an issue person.
I'm bisexual, or I was when I still could experience any sort of sexual thoughts or longings. You may or may not know that I was raised catholic. My grandparents are especially deeply religious. My parents are somewhat more liberal, but that didn't stop them from indoctrinating me, resulting in psychological damage.
The first and most influential result of this is genophobia, an intense and irrational fear of sex and everything that relates to it as well, in my case. I deal with a lot of shame and anxiety. The only reason I could come out to all of you in this post is because apparently I'm having a good day. On my worse days I can't even think the word. I'm in denial most of the time. And I'm certain I'll hate myself for saying it tomorrow. It's particularly hard for me not to think about how much religion influenced my life. I tend to get depressed easily when I think back to the person I used to be and compare it to what I am now. I'm trying to move on and adjust to it.
Another effect of religion is a whole lot of anxiety issues. I have morning anxiety. Sometimes panic attacks occur. Social situations give me a lot of anxiety, too.
The last four years have been the worst in my short life. Apart from what I already mentioned, I struggled with self-harm and suicidal thoughts.
Currently I'm staying away from the church. As you can imagine, my grandparents are visibly and audibly displeased with me for that reason. My parents aren't too happy about it, either. I still struggle with relapsing sometimes, but it's gotten better lately.
As some of you may know my music tastes range from typical to downright bizarre. It's a strange mix of EDM and folk music, with occasional progressive or alternative rock.
My favorite subjects are English and Polish. History, geography and something called knowledge about society are also cool in my book. I don't deal well with numbers, but I find science fascinating.
My favorite author is Steven King and my favorite painter is HR Giger.
Aaand I think that's probably all there is to know about me.
That being said, even though I've only been here for two months, you guys are amazing. I'm incredibly lucky to have found this board and such an awesome community. If it wasn't for you I'd be insane by now, if not dead. It's been a huge relief to have sane people to talk to. I'm grateful for everything. I don't know how else to out it in words; you're the saving grace of my life, as pathetic as that sounds. Thank you from the bottom of my heart.
With that out of the way, let us embark on the magical journey into the bizarre details of my bland life.
So after having been here for two glorious monts (I know, flew right by) I've concluded that you are apparently not going to eat me, how strange. Hence this thread. Opening up to people is not my biggest strength and I would like to preserve anonymity, but I really enjoyed getting to know more about the people here and I realised you probably don't know much about me.
Let's start with the personal details I feel comfortable giving away. I'm 16, but talking to other people my age makes me feel old. I live in Silesia. That's in Poland, at least it was last time I checked. My hobbies include video games, languages, art and Nicolas Cage movies.
I have issues. Multiple issues. Apparently I'm just an issue person.
I'm bisexual, or I was when I still could experience any sort of sexual thoughts or longings. You may or may not know that I was raised catholic. My grandparents are especially deeply religious. My parents are somewhat more liberal, but that didn't stop them from indoctrinating me, resulting in psychological damage.
The first and most influential result of this is genophobia, an intense and irrational fear of sex and everything that relates to it as well, in my case. I deal with a lot of shame and anxiety. The only reason I could come out to all of you in this post is because apparently I'm having a good day. On my worse days I can't even think the word. I'm in denial most of the time. And I'm certain I'll hate myself for saying it tomorrow. It's particularly hard for me not to think about how much religion influenced my life. I tend to get depressed easily when I think back to the person I used to be and compare it to what I am now. I'm trying to move on and adjust to it.
Another effect of religion is a whole lot of anxiety issues. I have morning anxiety. Sometimes panic attacks occur. Social situations give me a lot of anxiety, too.
The last four years have been the worst in my short life. Apart from what I already mentioned, I struggled with self-harm and suicidal thoughts.
Currently I'm staying away from the church. As you can imagine, my grandparents are visibly and audibly displeased with me for that reason. My parents aren't too happy about it, either. I still struggle with relapsing sometimes, but it's gotten better lately.
As some of you may know my music tastes range from typical to downright bizarre. It's a strange mix of EDM and folk music, with occasional progressive or alternative rock.
My favorite subjects are English and Polish. History, geography and something called knowledge about society are also cool in my book. I don't deal well with numbers, but I find science fascinating.
My favorite author is Steven King and my favorite painter is HR Giger.
Aaand I think that's probably all there is to know about me.
That being said, even though I've only been here for two months, you guys are amazing. I'm incredibly lucky to have found this board and such an awesome community. If it wasn't for you I'd be insane by now, if not dead. It's been a huge relief to have sane people to talk to. I'm grateful for everything. I don't know how else to out it in words; you're the saving grace of my life, as pathetic as that sounds. Thank you from the bottom of my heart.
