A little advice on a family matter please

[NuclearEnergy]

So my oldest sister and her husband had their 4th child this last Friday. (Congrats to them). However, their 3 other kids ages 5-8 stayed with my parents and are still there. And for the next week my Dad is going to be staying at my sisters to watch her 3 kids since they have to go back to school. Meanwhile, my brother in law her husband did get time off for this. In fact, he was given 2 weeks off with the option of coming back after a week. But to him this is just a vacation for him. Yesterday, he was watching football and so is he today. I think he's going golfing later this week. This just really pisses me off. Mostly because my parents are busy as it is with their own lives. I came up for two days to help with the grand-kids, but I had to go back down to school. (I'm in University). And I just know my sister is not going to show a single ounce of gratefulness for what my parents are doing for her because they hardly do. She and her husband tend to expect us to do things for them. Like I said, this makes me very angry and I really want to say something to them. I just don't know what, or even if I should. I understand, for my sister she will be recovering and having to spend lots of time with her newborn, I get that. But the fact my brother in law is exploiting this to just take a vacation instead of actually being a Dad.

[Alex K]

Ah crap, looks she got herself a shit husband. Getting another kid was a mistake...

[GUBU]

So my oldest sister and her husband had their 4th child this last Friday. (Congrats to them). However, their 3 other kids ages 5-8 stayed with my parents and are still there. And for the next week my Dad is going to be staying at my sisters to watch her 3 kids since they have to go back to school. Meanwhile, my brother in law her husband did get time off for this. In fact, he was given 2 weeks off with the option of coming back after a week. But to him this is just a vacation for him. Yesterday, he was watching football and so is he today. I think he's going golfing later this week. This just really pisses me off. Mostly because my parents are busy as it is with their own lives. I came up for two days to help with the grand-kids, but I had to go back down to school. (I'm in University). And I just know my sister is not going to show a single ounce of gratefulness for what my parents are doing for her because they hardly do. She and her husband tend to expect us to do things for them. Like I said, this makes me very angry and I really want to say something to them. I just don't know what, or even if I should. I understand, for my sister she will be recovering and having to spend lots of time with her newborn, I get that. But the fact my brother in law is exploiting this to just take a vacation instead of actually being a Dad.

Don't do anything for your sister in future, and when she whines explain that it's because of her ungrateful and selfish attitude that you decided to no longer drop everything to attend to her problems.

Your parents will have to come to that conclusion by their own means.

[The Grand Nudger]

So my oldest sister and her husband had their 4th child this last Friday. (Congrats to them). However, their 3 other kids ages 5-8 stayed with my parents and are still there. And for the next week my Dad is going to be staying at my sisters to watch her 3 kids since they have to go back to school. Meanwhile, my brother in law her husband did get time off for this. In fact, he was given 2 weeks off with the option of coming back after a week. But to him this is just a vacation for him. Yesterday, he was watching football and so is he today. I think he's going golfing later this week. This just really pisses me off. Mostly because my parents are busy as it is with their own lives. I came up for two days to help with the grand-kids, but I had to go back down to school. (I'm in University). And I just know my sister is not going to show a single ounce of gratefulness for what my parents are doing for her because they hardly do. She and her husband tend to expect us to do things for them. Like I said, this makes me very angry and I really want to say something to them. I just don't know what, or even if I should. I understand, for my sister she will be recovering and having to spend lots of time with her newborn, I get that. But the fact my brother in law is exploiting this to just take a vacation instead of actually being a Dad.

Meh, good for him. Four fuckin kids now?  Probably needs a break.  Tell you what, just don't help with that - if it bothers you.  Don't overthink it or come up with reasons he's a baddy or she's a baddy, they're probably not.  Say to yourself "I don't want to help and that's why I'm not going to help".  That's nothing shitty or strange about you, either.  That way, you're doing what you want and not doing what you don't want and nobody has to rack their brain imagining ways that makes them or the other person shitty.

-which, in a big inter-dependent family, with a bunch of kids and a newborn....can make things shitty regardless of the truth of any assessment of self or any other.  You could all be a bunch of saints and still find reasons to go at each others throats.

/twocents.

[brewer]

I recommend that you don't do or say anything, or say very little and then only to your parents. This should primarily remain an issue between your sister, her husband and your parents. You may not like it but it's not your issue. Your parents need to be the ones to decide to stand up or not.  They are the ones being put upon, not you. 

I remember your brother in law sticking his nose in your parents business from a previous thread. Why should things have changed?

[vorlon13]

I have relatives (and some friends) a rational society would never have allowed to procreate without first taking INTENSIVE parenting classes.

Sorry to hear this isn't just peculiar to my life . . . .

[Minimalist]

Every family has shitty relatives.

Your parents have to figure this one out for themselves.