Do we have any creationists here?

[YahwehIsTheWay]

Question: "Why Christian theism and not deism?"

Because deism emasculates our loving lord Jesus and turns him into an absent-minded hippy scientist who left us in a petri dish on a shelf somewhere in his lab and how are we going to use that to justify our anti-gay and anti-choice legislation. 

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Question: "How can you be that fucking stupid?"

Because you don't need a brain when you've got Jesus!

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Question: "Are you a young Earth creationist?"

Well, I'm not sure that we can call 6,000 years to be "young" but maybe the earth is going through a mid-life crisis and we should be sensitive.

Question: "Do you believe all humans descend from Adam and Eve who committed an original sin?"

It'd never been done before. Eating a magic fruit after speaking with a talking snake. That sounds pretty original to me. 

But yes, as a True Christian ™, I don't see how you can fail to believe in Adam and Eve as the progenitors of the human race. I mean, if the Garden of Eden is just a fable, than when did "The Fall" happen. If it didn't happen, what did Jesus save us from. Without the whole Garden of Eden story, Christianity falls apart.

Question: "Do you believe Adam and Eve descended from Homo erectus?"


Descended from a homo erectus? Why, that just sounds disgusting. What are you suggesting about the sexual orientation of our Lord and his state of arousal? 

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Question: Since most creationists are big on the "we're you there" or "did you see it" lines of reasoning, I want to know have you ever seen or been present when even a single atom was spoken into existence?


No, but Gawd did and as Ken Ham said, we have a book that explains it. 


Jack Chick, in his immortal classic "Big Daddy", came up with a creative interpretation of Col 1:17 and John 1:3 to figure out that atoms are held together by Jesus. Seriously. 

Jesus is the Strong Force. Can you think of one stronger? 

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Question: "Where did these 'monkey men' come from?"


GodDidIt.

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Question: ".. and more importantly, were there also monkey ladies in waiting, and, if so, how hot were they?"


GodDidIt with a bunch of spare ribs. 

He was good. I've tried enhancing my dating life by trying to conjure up women from ribs but it hasn't worked so far. 

I may have to pray harder. 

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Question: "Creationists, do you believe the Earth is flat with a dome above it, and water surrounding creation above and below?"


Soooo, you want to know if I really believe the Bible then?