Be honest, am I going to hell for "my" atheism?

[dyresand]

I "accept" all the suffering in the world, because I have no reason to think there is any alternative. This is reality. People and animals suffer, and it is absolutely horrible. It breaks my heart so much I have to block it out in order to function. I do what I can to ease the suffering, and to try and encourage others to do the same. But neither I nor anyone else has the kind of power needed to fundamentally alter how the universe works.

This is what you would expect from a group of evolved life forms on a rock flying through space. Bad shit is going to happen.

But just suddenly having God appear in the middle of all this mess is ridiculous. If you assume this planet and its life were somehow crafted, by someone who isn't a sick fuck, you would expect to see something entirely different. People's minds are grounded by the part of their brain that deals with reality and accepts suffering is just something that happens, but then contradicted by the part of their brain that says someone is behind all this and only wants good things. Where did all this horrible shit come from? God either designed or permitted every atrocious thing such as drowning in water, needing to keep eating or else you die a hideous slow death, bacteria which attack you and cause horrible diseases, the desire to rape and murder...

Or, if you think this is "good enough", and god really couldn't have done any better, then you think he is either incompetent or uncaring. He made the rules, remember.

Unless the rules were already there? Did he have to work around such arbitrary restrictions as "people have to suffer to appreciate happiness"?

Bah. I'm getting a bit tired of this. Apologising for God being such a dick sounds exactly like an abused spouse who is so mentally broken down they think they deserve the beatings they get, and that they need their abuser. The saddest thing of all is the fact that this abuse is coming from a figment of their own imagination. It makes me so sad

If god exists which is impossible i wen't over this. He would be committing spiritual child abuse. 
And his followers for the most part has beaten wife syndrome. In the bible it say's you are commanded to fear and love god and that god loves you back.
Wait so they don't see the fear part they want the fluffy bunny god no they get the drunken dad holding a belt and a beer.