Trying to Decide Something

[rexbeccarox]

Well, I figure I might as well chip my two cents in, and fuck knows I'm probably the last person anyone should ever go to for advice on relationships, but...

...Wait, with that in mind, why AM I chipping in??

Because you rock.

---

Oh, right.  Outsider perspective.

Look, I'll be honest, the fact he proposed marriage after two weeks already sets off alarm bells; who does that?!

We were just kids.  And we were totally into each other.  And we were cross-continental.  It was his way of holding on to me, and my way of holding on to him was to say "yes".

The fact that when you were together all you did was fight endlessly and had lots of falling-outs and that you broke it off because of all the negative things does not help.  In fact it makes it much worse.

I'm not sure where you read that "all we did" was fight or that we broke it off because of the negative things.  We actually fought and ended up breaking it off because we weren't ready to get married, and that's the only thing we could do to stay together.  We did fight, but we also spent a lot of time just loving each other and trying to make it work.

Those who do not learn from history are doomed to repeat it.  To be frank and blunt, at the risk of sounding like a pessimistic dickwad, I don't see where the reason for believing things will be better this time around comes from.  Sure, remembering the good times is great and all, but it sounds like there were more bad times than good ones, and inevitably those are going to rear their ugly heads.

At this point, we've logged about 20 hours talking on the phone, and we're totally on the same page. Our bad times were due to circumstance, and they definitely didn't outweigh the good... I'm honestly not sure where you got that...

I see it playing out thus:  You guys both cling to the good things, you get back together, and within a short time, the negatives come surging to the fore again.  You end up dejected, feeling worse than before, and a break-up will ensue, and that will make things even worse still.

If it's just to catch up and reminisce...I still wouldn't recommend it.  When something ends badly, repeatedly, it's time to let it go and move on.  Graves are best left undisturbed, the coffins left in the ground, and the good memories being left as eulogies on the tombstones, lest you taint them with fresh ill ones.

... but nothing ended badly here.  It's not like we hated each other ever, or even disliked each other.  We just couldn't get it together. My hesitance in contacting him was due to not wanting to mess up his life by re-entering it.  That's all.

It seems most everyone here thinks this will make you happy.

I do not agree in the slightest.  I see this as a disaster in the making.

I hope I'm wrong.  You deserve the complete opposite of what I fear might happen.

Thanks Creed.  It really is helpful, the thinking outside the box.  It helped me to think about this critically.