Ask a physically disabled guy

[KevinM1]

Son of bitch, that sounds awful.  So, what is your life like?

I have ups and downs.  Currently fighting a UTI, so yay, I guess.

In general, I need help with all activities of daily living.  I use an electric wheelchair for mobility.  I can't transfer from my bed to my chair myself, or clothe/feed (in terms of cooking... once something is made, I can eat with a fork or spoon)/bathe/go to the bathroom myself.  I have chronic pressure sores on my butt because I can't sit at a straight 90 degrees, so as I slide, the pressure and shearing cause issues.  It's not too bad now - nothing open and bleeding - but it doesn't take much for it to go south.

I live at home with my retired mother.  She can provide me better care than visiting nurses or a nursing home, and we have all the equipment here, anyway.  Kinda puts a damper on any relationship, though.  "Hey, babe, come back to my place and meet my mom" isn't much of a pickup line.

I work from home as a web developer.  An actual programmer, not one of those "Let's upload WordPress, install a theme, and call it a day" people.  I suck at design and front end development, even with things like Bootstrap.  But, I'm working on it.  My arms and hands work good enough to type at ~30 or so WPM, so at there's that.

I don't go out much because I can't drive myself anywhere, and there's always that chaperone presence, which is frustrating.  A lot of the stuff I'd like to do my family isn't into, and outside of my mother, they all have limited time anyway with their work and family.  So, a lot of my time is spent on the computer working, visiting forums, talking to friends on Facebook, that sort of thing.

Hehe, that probably sounds more miserable than it actually is.  I'm pretty chill and happy about 90% of the time.  That other 10% can get pretty damn black, though.

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How do you feel about "PWD" or other terms to describe us?

I tend to refer to myself as simply disabled.  PWD doesn't really bother me.  It steers a bit close to political correctness, but whatever.  'Handicapped' is a bit weird for me.  That's the term I grew up with, but it just feels a bit uncomfortable.  I can't put my finger on it.  I use 'cripple' like my version of the n-word.  I only let people I know and trust say it, and only in an obvious ironic or humorous context.  Fun story:

When I was a student at UNH, my friend Adam and I had physics together.  Adam and I went to high school together, and had known each other for years even before taking that class, and we always joked around.  Our mission in life was to go around campus and just rag on each other to get a rise out of other people.  We knew we weren't being serious, but no one else did.  So, one day, while we were waiting for the physics lab TA to show up and unlock the door, we decided to start our routine.

"Fuck you cripple.  I'm going to put you in an even bigger wheelchair."
"I'd like to see you try, you cocksucking hippie."
etc.

The next day, in physics lecture, the professor started the class by warning everyone about harassment, and how if it happened again, the students involved may be expelled, blah blah blah.  As he's saying this, Adam and I are looking at each other and laughing our asses off.  Naturally, we tried doing it again at the start of the next lab, but apparently everyone else caught on and nothing more came out of it.