How the miracles could have been bettered:
-Jesus raised a man from the dead, but he died again.
It is understandable that the man should eventually die, but Jesus could have raised him with some skill he didn't previously possess. Tap dancing, maybe.
-Jesus calmed a sea storm, but they continue to come back.
Storms are a needful part of our planetary environment, but Jesus could have arranged for them to rain something like marshmallows.
-Jesus created water to wine, but the wine was quickly turned back to water.
Water to wine to water...to whiskey.
-Jesus fed 5000 with fish and bread, but they quickly became hungry again and the fish and bread ran out eventually. Furthermore, raw fish and bread is a pitiful meal that wouldn't be complete enough for even a half star restaurant.
Cod and chips.
-Jesus founded a church that would split and devolve into pedophile dens.
Might have helped had he included a statement along the lines of, 'Fuck a child, and I'll come back and kill you myself.'
-Jesus healed a leper that died.
If could heal a leper, he could have cured leprosy.
-Jesus healed a blind man's eyes that presumable failed as the man aged in the same way ours does, then of course his eyes died too.
He could have given the man x-ray vision.
-Jesus' presence and teachings never brought peace to any historical city.
Ok, this one's a bit unfair. 'I come not to bring peace, but a sword.'
Boru
-Jesus raised a man from the dead, but he died again.
It is understandable that the man should eventually die, but Jesus could have raised him with some skill he didn't previously possess. Tap dancing, maybe.
-Jesus calmed a sea storm, but they continue to come back.
Storms are a needful part of our planetary environment, but Jesus could have arranged for them to rain something like marshmallows.
-Jesus created water to wine, but the wine was quickly turned back to water.
Water to wine to water...to whiskey.
-Jesus fed 5000 with fish and bread, but they quickly became hungry again and the fish and bread ran out eventually. Furthermore, raw fish and bread is a pitiful meal that wouldn't be complete enough for even a half star restaurant.
Cod and chips.
-Jesus founded a church that would split and devolve into pedophile dens.
Might have helped had he included a statement along the lines of, 'Fuck a child, and I'll come back and kill you myself.'
-Jesus healed a leper that died.
If could heal a leper, he could have cured leprosy.
-Jesus healed a blind man's eyes that presumable failed as the man aged in the same way ours does, then of course his eyes died too.
He could have given the man x-ray vision.
-Jesus' presence and teachings never brought peace to any historical city.
Ok, this one's a bit unfair. 'I come not to bring peace, but a sword.'
Boru
‘I can’t be having with this.’ - Esmeralda Weatherwax
