Calling it into question...

[popsthebuilder]

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The lack of proper backstory and emotion will no doubt be cause for a lacking explanation, but I will try to give the quick versions. I will attempt to describe my two most influential accounts.

1) I was lost and in extreme despair. I was fighting on many fronts both internally and with outer things. I was literally full to the top with rage and hatred toward myself and others. I was about to go to prison for a long time because I was physically and mentally very close to ending another human life. Anyway, so right to it.

I was driving home after work one day, enraged and at the breaking point and really quite comfortable, all things considered. I had gotten very used to my way of being and even used it as motivation. I remember the radio on my truck faded out to near silence. I changed the channel to more silence. I adjusted the volume, still silence. At this moment a great relief washed over me. All the weight and burden and anger that I had hoisted onto my shoulders was instantly and miraculously lifted from me. I was filled with a joy I had never witnessed and tears of joy flowed freely down my face. This instant undeniable truth hit me with such force that I was literally laughing out loud and crying my eyes out at The same time while driving down the road. I thought roughly about all my pain and all my times that I knew there was no God. Before being able to complete this thought the Lord broke down all parts of my life. Things I didn't even remember until that time. He showed me that he was there beside me through all my hardship and doubt. He showed me that he indeed knew me and the path he intended for me before I was even conceived. He showed that I was not only wrong in my disbelief but that he indeed had a purpose for me.  my radio came back on. When I got home I attempted to write down the already fading events that took place. All I managed was some ideas related to what the Lord showed me. Ever since I have been much more at peace, have direction, am decisive, free of worldly burdens in the form of stress, am patient, and exhibit a completely different view from the one I knew through my turmoil. That was about 4-5 years ago.

About a month ago I told myself I was no longer going to partake in something. Well I did it anyway and instantly got violently nauseous. Went outside began violently vomiting at which time I could think of nothing more than how I had lied to myself and the Lord. I thought to ask for whole hearted forgiveness. Before I completed the thought I was completely forgiven. I was instantly 100% no longer sick. His presents was so overwhelming that again tears of joy rolled down. All I could do was look to the sky and thank and praise the Lord for his mercy and guidance. It was so enlivening that I began to spout praise aloud and at one point at the top of my lungs. This was in the early morning. A man was there and witnessed all of it. He was scared and didn't understand. He asked what was happening and I told him. He believed and confessed that he felt our very meeting was preordained and beneficial for us both. He asked questions of the Lord and the Lord answered him through me. Eventually he asked of evil. At this time I was taken by the unspeakable and answered his questions quite disturbingly. It was very difficult to get back to the right state of mind once evil had snuck in. There was great internal and physical turmoil and great effort on my part to subdue and restrain the very real evil that attempted to stay at the front. Thought the Lord and his loaned strength I was able to push the evil down and lock it away. Upon doing so I stood straight and was once again joyous. The witness slowly became unafraid. We both agreed that we were supposed to meet and it was my responsibility to help him anyway I could for he was lost and knew from the first time he met me that I was good and could afford him the change he so desperately needed. Today I try to set things on my side in order to assist this individual for I believe it is my duty shown to me by the Lord. I praise the Lord and tell him that I will never forget how he came to my aid in my time of desperate need. I have told him for years that I was indeed a true believer and would pass the word. I ask only of him to guide me down the path he has chosen and to walk along side me down that path. It isn't all peaches and cream. But if I look, the Lord never leads astray. For that I praise him.

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Pops, what you're describing is a narrative in your head that consists mostly of your feelings. While it might seem very real to you, there are very good reasons why science doesn't generally use that kind of anecdotal experience to form the basis of their claims. Your thoughts, feelings, and happenings during your experiences can all easily be given other explanations, and unlike yours, some of those explanations might actually have some evidence.

In fact, it seems to me that you've fallen to the same narrative that many theists accuse atheists of. It's very common for a theist, upon finding out someone is an atheist, to ask "Oh, what happened to you?" This is an indirect insult and implies something bad must have happened to you for you to be so damaged as to not believe there's a god.

Looking at your story, that's what caused you to run toward god, not away. In fact, many religious people seem to have some traumatic catalyst or shitty general world view that eventually drives them to faith; that narrative seems to apply to theists more-so than atheists, in my observation.

Didn't run to God. Was shown. Wasn't looking.

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I love calling things into question. I also enjoy being in the lot of those who stand up and ask for just ONE little bit of factual and non-biblical based evidence to support the bullshit argument that an entity who has never shown himself (especially in the last 2000 or so years) is real. This isn't about having blind faith or free will. This isn't about personal experiences. This isn't about his "plan". This is about logic, common sense and the ability to understand the difference between reality and imagination.
It is hard to accept that an entity, supposedly responsible for the creation of ALL of life....
who was the first to cause mass genocide,

Why?
In this day and age given the threats by ISIS alquida, and the like. Can you not ever see a reason to wipe your deep ceded enemy from all power and possible threat?
If God truly gave us the power to not choose Him, then the other extreme (deep dark evil) has the opportunity to ingrain itself into a person or even a whole society of people.

the one who commanded that slavery is okay,

Again as I have pointed out in the last slave thread, the definition of slavery has changed over the millennia. God's definition included paid servants and endentured servants as well as your definition, but with restrictions your definition does not include. But, the self righteous of this generation does not want to consider the truth of the matter only that God has violated their anti hot topic doctrines.

who is a baby killer,

:Roflol: Do you support abortion?

who tells you what you can't eat,

??? The only thing He says you can't eat is what you think it is a sin to eat... What are you talking about?

who said that you can't covet your neighbor's wife

Do you not understand the term covet? It means to long or lust after your (alive) neighbor's wife.

but who killed a man for refusing to impregnate his dead brother's wife,

Do you know what would have happened to the widow if the brother did not marry her and have a son with her? Remember she did not live in modern western society. Meaning no welfare, no rights after the husband died, no way to support her family. So she would have to turn to slavery, or she would have died, and her husband's lands/holding would be lost to her and any young children.
To marry your dead brother's wife was the way that ancient society supported widows and their children.

who is narcissistic in that he uses spending eternity in hell as an ultimatum if you don't obey or worship him,

So.. Let's say a Member of ISIS who hates all Westerners and anything not ISIS Muslim would die a terrible death IF you did not take Him/Them into your house. Now keep in mind once in your house they have full intention of killing you and your family, taking your house and possessions and turning them over to their want, will and cause. Now the question is, do you invite them in to your home?

God's Home is creation. ALL Of It. You and anyone who does not want to spend eternity in the service of God is 'ISIS'. Why should God force us (Christians) to spend eternity fighting the rest of you? Hell is the one place 'we' (Christians) are not.

Who commands that a wife obey her husband (even if he rapes her),

Finish the rest of the command. That a Husband should Love and respect her and should the situation arise Die for her as Christ loved respected and died for the church..

Refuses to rid the world of its starvation and hunger issues,

That's not true at all. God has provided a surplus of food in the west, and has commanded us (in the west/those with) to distribute it. This is not a God issue, this is a wicked servant issue. If it were a God issue then their would just flat out not be enough food.

will not regrow an amputated or missing body part without the aid or use of science and/or medicine.

What makes you think science and medicine means God is not at work? Are you so foolish to think that God can only work in the unexplainable? If so where did you get that idea?

And last but certainly not least, refuses to abolish cancer and other deadly diseases ....

Cancer and 'other deadly diseases' are or can be tools God uses to strengthen and grow our understanding and faith. Why would He remove such an effective tool?

Loves his people?

Indeed He does.. But as I pointed out not everyone can be considered "His people."

Also Why would you think just because you love someone deeply you would remove all obsticals in their lives? More often than not it is the threats, pains and dangers of this life that has Humanity/people grow.

Death is not the end you think it is. It is our birth into eternity, so why would God keep us from it? The only reason to fear and hate death is if you are not right with God. Then death becomes the ultimate end/punishment, and all who endorse paths that lead to early death as wicked.

You don't have a God problem. You have a basic life comprehension/philosphy problem.

That was great! Thank you for speaking the truth. Praise God.