Proving The Resurrection By the Minimal Facts Approach

[Redbeard The Pink]

Ooooooh yes, you do. Maybe not you personally, but you atheists, in general.

You want to be able to simply write Jesus off as a legend, a figment of someone's imagination, a conspiracy of delusional fools because that is the easiest way to respond to Jesus.

Otherwise, you have to think.

Come on, bro. We don't have to be able to write Jesus off as fictional to write the gospels off as myths. They're full of magical bullshit.


Let's try your line of argument with another historical character whose historicity itself does not cloud the debate: Abraham Lincoln.


Now, nobody with any sense will try to debate the historicity of Lincoln. There are plenty of documents and photographs to lead us to reasonably assume that he was a real person.


What most people don't know, however, is that he was a vampire hunter. You see, there's this book, and in that book we get a different picture of Civil War history. In this book, Abraham Lincoln hunts vampires.


The book contains references to various characters, events, and places that historians can agree are definitely real, so the events of this book must also be real.


Some people may try to argue that vampires do not exist. Well, let me ask you this: if vampires don't exist, why would Abraham Lincoln have been hunting them? Besides, you can't prove vampires don't exist. There's even some evidence that they do: many people openly claim to be vampires, and certain corpses have been observed to regrow hair and fingernails after death.


Some might claim that people who say they are vampires are really just humans, and that a medical exam will prove this. The truth is that vampires have magic powers and use them to seem human for medical purposes. They do this to create doubt. They're willing to tell us that they're vampires, but they also know that if humans could medically prove the existence of vampires, they would simply kill them all out of fear. Instead, they only choose to truly reveal themselves to humans who choose to believe in them without any evidence.


Some scientists (and people who blindly follow them) might claim that hair and nails don't grow after death. The scientists who claim that are obviously vampires themselves who are spreading doubt for the aforementioned reasons.


Now, this story is being touted as fiction by many people, including the author of the book. He claims to have made it up, but the truth is that his writings are based on historical documents that have been destroyed by the vampires since the modern version of the story was written. They destroyed this evidence because they knew that if humans found it and connected it to the book, they would know for sure that the story was true and vampires are real, causing the aforementioned problems of fear-fueled genocide. The author refuses to admit the story is real for fear of getting murdered by vampires, or possibly because he himself has been turned into a vampire by now.


I KNOW these things to be true because as I was reading the story, I realized it was true and accepted that into my heart. I already kind of believed in vampires anyway, so it wasn't that hard. When the vampires sensed that I had truly accepted their existence on faith, they knew it wasn't dangerous to approach me. It was at that time that they reached out to me with vampiric telepathy, sharing with me all of the information I just shared with you. They have given me permission to share this because they have seen with their magic that nobody of consequence will believe me.


Even though I have never seen a vampire in its true form, nor have I seen the documents I've mentioned, I still believe the things these vampires told me. In my head. With their magic powers. You can't really disprove anything I'm saying, so you believe me...right?