I've spent most of my life totally obsessed with being perfect for God. Every time I even thought about something sinful, I went nuts praying for forgiveness. I lost friends with my actions, and I kept myself from going out and making new ones. I was hyper-religious, and while that impressed some of my relatives, it was driving me crazy.
I also have Epilepsy. My seizures can be triggered by stress, and, you guessed it, worrying about being perfect for God stressed me out. I've had hundreds of seizures because I panicked about God.
Then I discovered meditation. It helped calm me down and relieve me of seizure stress. But the more I meditated, the more I thought about what I truly believed in, and I came to realize that I don't really believe in a God, and Jesus was just a lunatic with a god complex. But my OCD about fearing punishment from God has made breaking from Christianity very difficult. I'm scared even writing this.
I don't really think I believe in a god anymore, but I can't help but ask "What if I'm wrong?" and "How do you explain the miracles written about in the Bible?" I re-read the Gospel of Mark a while ago, and I couldn't believe how silly it sounded. I was no longer amazed by the teachings of Jesus, I was shocked how nuts his disciples must have been in order to believe him. I've read a lot of the teachings of Buddha, and his teachings are twice as intelligent as anything Jesus said. I'm not a hard-core Buddhist, but I sure respect it more than Christianity.
But I'm still scared. I don't revere God, I'm scared to death of him. That is no way to live, especially since I have time and again proven to myself that "God" was created for two purposes: to explain the creation of the world, and to give people hope in an afterlife. All religions are founded on these reasons. Christianity is no different than Hinduism.
I'm telling myself every day that I have nothing to fear, but I've spent so much of my life fearing God, it's hard to just quit and move on. But I know I have to. I must listen to reason, rather than fear. I need to learn how the world works, not just believe ignorant writings that are thousands of years old.
I also have Epilepsy. My seizures can be triggered by stress, and, you guessed it, worrying about being perfect for God stressed me out. I've had hundreds of seizures because I panicked about God.
Then I discovered meditation. It helped calm me down and relieve me of seizure stress. But the more I meditated, the more I thought about what I truly believed in, and I came to realize that I don't really believe in a God, and Jesus was just a lunatic with a god complex. But my OCD about fearing punishment from God has made breaking from Christianity very difficult. I'm scared even writing this.
I don't really think I believe in a god anymore, but I can't help but ask "What if I'm wrong?" and "How do you explain the miracles written about in the Bible?" I re-read the Gospel of Mark a while ago, and I couldn't believe how silly it sounded. I was no longer amazed by the teachings of Jesus, I was shocked how nuts his disciples must have been in order to believe him. I've read a lot of the teachings of Buddha, and his teachings are twice as intelligent as anything Jesus said. I'm not a hard-core Buddhist, but I sure respect it more than Christianity.
But I'm still scared. I don't revere God, I'm scared to death of him. That is no way to live, especially since I have time and again proven to myself that "God" was created for two purposes: to explain the creation of the world, and to give people hope in an afterlife. All religions are founded on these reasons. Christianity is no different than Hinduism.
I'm telling myself every day that I have nothing to fear, but I've spent so much of my life fearing God, it's hard to just quit and move on. But I know I have to. I must listen to reason, rather than fear. I need to learn how the world works, not just believe ignorant writings that are thousands of years old.
"Believe nothing, no matter where you read it, or who said it, no matter if I have said it, unless it agrees with your own reason and your own common sense.”
- Buddha
"Anyone wanting to believe Jesus lived and walked as a real live human being must do so despite the evidence, not because of it."
- Dennis McKinsey
- Buddha
"Anyone wanting to believe Jesus lived and walked as a real live human being must do so despite the evidence, not because of it."
- Dennis McKinsey
