Ha! That's funny, Rhonda. The one about St. Peter that I always liked was:
A doctor, a mechanic, and a lawyer die and appear before Saint Peter at the Pearly Gates.
St. Peter tells them, "Before you can enter Heaven, I must ask you a question. If you answer correctly, you get in. The difficulty of the question will depend on how much evil you did in your life."
The doctor approaches first, and Peter tells him, "You lived a very good life, you worked with Doctors Without Borders for little pay, and sought to ease the suffering of those on earth. So you get an easy question. What was the name of the huge British cruise liner that sank in 1912?"
The doctor correctly answers, "Titanic", and proceeds through the Gates to his eternal reward.
The mechanic approaches second, and Peter says, "Oooh, you lived a pretty rough life. You blasphemed, you lied constantly, you swore like a sailor, you stole from your customers, you put used parts on cars and claimed they were new, you cheated on your wife by cavorting with prostitutes, and you never donated to the collection plate when your wife forced you to go to church on Sundays. So I'm going to have to ask you a harder question. Approximately how many people died in the sinking of Titanic in 1912?"
The mechanic thinks a bit, remembers seeing a documentary, and says, "About 1500 people died."
"That's correct," says Peter. "You may enter heaven."
The lawyer then approaches, and Peter says, "Okay, name them."
A doctor, a mechanic, and a lawyer die and appear before Saint Peter at the Pearly Gates.
St. Peter tells them, "Before you can enter Heaven, I must ask you a question. If you answer correctly, you get in. The difficulty of the question will depend on how much evil you did in your life."
The doctor approaches first, and Peter tells him, "You lived a very good life, you worked with Doctors Without Borders for little pay, and sought to ease the suffering of those on earth. So you get an easy question. What was the name of the huge British cruise liner that sank in 1912?"
The doctor correctly answers, "Titanic", and proceeds through the Gates to his eternal reward.
The mechanic approaches second, and Peter says, "Oooh, you lived a pretty rough life. You blasphemed, you lied constantly, you swore like a sailor, you stole from your customers, you put used parts on cars and claimed they were new, you cheated on your wife by cavorting with prostitutes, and you never donated to the collection plate when your wife forced you to go to church on Sundays. So I'm going to have to ask you a harder question. Approximately how many people died in the sinking of Titanic in 1912?"
The mechanic thinks a bit, remembers seeing a documentary, and says, "About 1500 people died."
"That's correct," says Peter. "You may enter heaven."
The lawyer then approaches, and Peter says, "Okay, name them."
A Christian told me: if you were saved you cant lose your salvation. you're sealed with the Holy Ghost
I replied: Can I refuse? Because I find the entire concept of vicarious blood sacrifice atonement to be morally abhorrent, the concept of holding flawed creatures permanently accountable for social misbehaviors and thought crimes to be morally abhorrent, and the concept of calling something "free" when it comes with the strings of subjugation and obedience perhaps the most morally abhorrent of all... and that's without even going into the history of justifying genocide, slavery, rape, misogyny, religious intolerance, and suppression of free speech which has been attributed by your own scriptures to your deity. I want a refund. I would burn happily rather than serve the monster you profess to love.
I replied: Can I refuse? Because I find the entire concept of vicarious blood sacrifice atonement to be morally abhorrent, the concept of holding flawed creatures permanently accountable for social misbehaviors and thought crimes to be morally abhorrent, and the concept of calling something "free" when it comes with the strings of subjugation and obedience perhaps the most morally abhorrent of all... and that's without even going into the history of justifying genocide, slavery, rape, misogyny, religious intolerance, and suppression of free speech which has been attributed by your own scriptures to your deity. I want a refund. I would burn happily rather than serve the monster you profess to love.