A Norwegian, a Swede and a Dane made a bet about who could stay the longest in a stinky pig barn. They all went in at the same time. After only two minutes the Dane came running out. Five minutes later the Swede stumbled out the door. After ten minutes, all the pigs ran out.
Ole was talking with his brother Sven, who lived next door, when Sven said, "Ya know Ole, you and Lena should really get some new curtains."
"Vy's dat?" Ole asked.
"Vel last night I saw you and Lena, vel you know..."
Ole thought for awhile, then said, "Ha-ha Sven, da yokes on you! I vasn't even home last night!"
Lena asks her boyfriend Ole to come over Friday night and have dinner with her parents. This being a big event, the Lena tells Ole that after dinner, she would like to go out and (vell ya know) for the first time. Well, Ole is ecstatic, but he has never (vell ya know) before, so he takes a trip to the pharmacist to get some protection. The pharmacist helps Ole for about an hour. He teaches Ole everything there is to know about protection and (vell ya know). At the register, the pharmacist asks Ole how many he'd like to buy; a 3-pack, a 10-pack, or a family pack. Ole insists on the family pack because he thinks he will be very busy, it being his first time and all.
That night, Ole shows up at the Lena's parent's house and meets her at the door. "Ole I'm so excited for you ta meet my parents, come on in." Ole goes inside and is taken to the dinner table where Lena's parents are seated. Ole quickly offers to say grace and bows his head. A minute passes and Ole is still deep in prayer with his head down. Three minutes of praying pass and still no movement from Ole. Finally, after five minutes of praying with his head down, Lena leans over and whispers to her Ole, "I had no idea you vere so religious."
Ole turns and whispers back, "I had no idea your father vas a pharmacist."
One particular Sunday Ole was lying back in the hammock and, having just returned from church with Lena, he was feeling a little religious.
"God," said Ole, "Ven you made Lena, vy did you make her so nice and round and so pleasant ta hold?"
Suddenly a voice from above said, "So you would love her, Ole."
"Vell then vy, oh vy," asked Ole, "vy Lord did you make her so stupid?"
"So she would love YOU," said the voice.
Ole was talking with his brother Sven, who lived next door, when Sven said, "Ya know Ole, you and Lena should really get some new curtains."
"Vy's dat?" Ole asked.
"Vel last night I saw you and Lena, vel you know..."
Ole thought for awhile, then said, "Ha-ha Sven, da yokes on you! I vasn't even home last night!"
Lena asks her boyfriend Ole to come over Friday night and have dinner with her parents. This being a big event, the Lena tells Ole that after dinner, she would like to go out and (vell ya know) for the first time. Well, Ole is ecstatic, but he has never (vell ya know) before, so he takes a trip to the pharmacist to get some protection. The pharmacist helps Ole for about an hour. He teaches Ole everything there is to know about protection and (vell ya know). At the register, the pharmacist asks Ole how many he'd like to buy; a 3-pack, a 10-pack, or a family pack. Ole insists on the family pack because he thinks he will be very busy, it being his first time and all.
That night, Ole shows up at the Lena's parent's house and meets her at the door. "Ole I'm so excited for you ta meet my parents, come on in." Ole goes inside and is taken to the dinner table where Lena's parents are seated. Ole quickly offers to say grace and bows his head. A minute passes and Ole is still deep in prayer with his head down. Three minutes of praying pass and still no movement from Ole. Finally, after five minutes of praying with his head down, Lena leans over and whispers to her Ole, "I had no idea you vere so religious."
Ole turns and whispers back, "I had no idea your father vas a pharmacist."
One particular Sunday Ole was lying back in the hammock and, having just returned from church with Lena, he was feeling a little religious.
"God," said Ole, "Ven you made Lena, vy did you make her so nice and round and so pleasant ta hold?"
Suddenly a voice from above said, "So you would love her, Ole."
"Vell then vy, oh vy," asked Ole, "vy Lord did you make her so stupid?"
"So she would love YOU," said the voice.
The granting of a pardon is an imputation of guilt, and the acceptance a confession of it.