Paddy Murphy walked into his neighborhood pub promptly at 5 o’clock as he’d done for years. Mick, the pub keep, says to him:
Paddy! What’s happened to ya laddie? Ya look terrible! Both of your eyes are black, y’ur nose is pushed over to one side o’ y’ur face, it looks like they sewed your right ear back on!
Paddy says: Oh, me and Sean O’Leary been a’ fightin’.
Mick: Sean O’Leary?! That little shite? He couldn’t a done that to ya by himself. He must a had somethin’ in his hand.
Paddy: Aye, that he did. A shovel it was, and a proper lickin’ he gave me with it too.
Mick: What?! Sean O’Leary licked ya with a shovel??!! Surely ya had somethin’ in y’ur own hand.
Paddy: Aye, I did. I had Ms. O’Leary’s breast in me hand, and a thing o’ beauty it was too, but useless in a fight!
Paddy! What’s happened to ya laddie? Ya look terrible! Both of your eyes are black, y’ur nose is pushed over to one side o’ y’ur face, it looks like they sewed your right ear back on!
Paddy says: Oh, me and Sean O’Leary been a’ fightin’.
Mick: Sean O’Leary?! That little shite? He couldn’t a done that to ya by himself. He must a had somethin’ in his hand.
Paddy: Aye, that he did. A shovel it was, and a proper lickin’ he gave me with it too.
Mick: What?! Sean O’Leary licked ya with a shovel??!! Surely ya had somethin’ in y’ur own hand.
Paddy: Aye, I did. I had Ms. O’Leary’s breast in me hand, and a thing o’ beauty it was too, but useless in a fight!
If you get to thinking you’re a person of some influence, try ordering somebody else’s dog around.