Jamie liked his drink and no mistake. His wife has finally had enough and tells him, 'By all the saints and martyrs, the next time you come home drunk, I'm leaving you.'
Jamie makes a mighty struggle, but eventually gives in and goes to the pub. He gets so stinking drunk that he vomits all over himself and tells the barman, 'I can't be after going home in this wretched state. My Sarah says she'll leave me if I do.'
The barman, a kindly soul if ever there was one, puts a £20 note in Jamie's top pocket and says, 'When you get home, tell your wife that someone else threw up on you and gave you this money for the cleaning bill.' Jamie thanks him with tearful gratitude and begins the long stagger home.
When he arrives, Sarah is at the door and on the boil. Jamie holds up a hand to forestall the inevitable tirade and says, 'Before you say anything love, this isn't me fault. I stopped at the pub for a cup of tea and some vile drunk threw up all over me. Look - he even gave me money for the cleaning,' at which point he triumphantly takes the £20 from his pocket and holds it up as evidence of his innocence. When he does, a second note flutters from his pocket to the ground.
'And why would you be having TWO £20 notes, then?' says the suspicious Sarah.
Jamie pauses for a moment, then brightens and says, 'Oh, that one's from the fella who shat in me pants.'
Boru
Jamie makes a mighty struggle, but eventually gives in and goes to the pub. He gets so stinking drunk that he vomits all over himself and tells the barman, 'I can't be after going home in this wretched state. My Sarah says she'll leave me if I do.'
The barman, a kindly soul if ever there was one, puts a £20 note in Jamie's top pocket and says, 'When you get home, tell your wife that someone else threw up on you and gave you this money for the cleaning bill.' Jamie thanks him with tearful gratitude and begins the long stagger home.
When he arrives, Sarah is at the door and on the boil. Jamie holds up a hand to forestall the inevitable tirade and says, 'Before you say anything love, this isn't me fault. I stopped at the pub for a cup of tea and some vile drunk threw up all over me. Look - he even gave me money for the cleaning,' at which point he triumphantly takes the £20 from his pocket and holds it up as evidence of his innocence. When he does, a second note flutters from his pocket to the ground.
'And why would you be having TWO £20 notes, then?' says the suspicious Sarah.
Jamie pauses for a moment, then brightens and says, 'Oh, that one's from the fella who shat in me pants.'
Boru
‘But it does me no injury for my neighbour to say there are twenty gods or no gods. It neither picks my pocket nor breaks my leg.’ - Thomas Jefferson