RE: joke time
August 17, 2021 at 6:51 pm
(This post was last modified: August 17, 2021 at 6:53 pm by A. Secular Human.)
(August 17, 2021 at 4:17 am)BrianSoddingBoru4 Wrote: 'I don't want a whole dessert. Let's just get two spoons.' - Women I stopped dating.
Boru
Yup. I had a somewhat steady girl do that. "Can I have one bite?" Half of the dish later, she says "thank you!", and I'm still hungry. A couple of times, just to give a hint, I've called the waiter over to order another one of whatever she ate half of. We then sat there while they prepped it, and she sat there while I ate it. She still didn't take the hint.
I had to start telling her when ordering *anything* that I intended to eat the whole thing, and if she wants some, to order her own. She called me "selfish" for doing so. I told her to decide what she wanted, order it, and eat it, and "STOP EATING MY GOD DAMNED FOOD!"
She was constantly fighting her weight, and I suspect that she played a little mental rationalization "game" with herself, that if she didn't order it, it didn't "count" towards her daily intake. To this day, I think she was addicted to food. A "live to eat" kind of person. I eat to live, and will often forget to eat for a day. I just accept that being hungry is a normal part of life.
We didn't last long as a couple.
(August 17, 2021 at 4:00 am)The Valkyrie Wrote:(August 16, 2021 at 4:47 pm)BrianSoddingBoru4 Wrote: An elderly lady with a thin, quavering voice rings up the front desk at the local hospital and asks, 'I was wondering if it's possible to inquire about one of your patients. Her name is Miss Emma Rose Chessler, and she's in Room 306.'
The young lady at the desk wants to be helpful and says, 'Certainly, ma'am. Let me just put you on hold for a bit while I check.' Good as her word, she comes back on after a few minutes and says, 'I have some wonderful news for you! Miss Chessler's condition has stabilized. Her blood pressure has returned to normal, her electrolytic balance has settled down. It seems to have just been a mild case of angina, and she's due to be released tomorrow.'
'Oh, thank you SO much, my dear! That puts my mind at ease. God bless you for being so helpful.'
'Quite all right. If I may ask, is Miss Chessler you daughter, or perhaps your granddaughter?'
'Neither,' answers the old woman. 'I'M Emma Rose Chessler, I'M in Room 306, and nobody up here tells me a fucking thing.'
Boru
You have to keep the patients guessing.
I once told a patient he was leaving the hospital in a couple of hours, and then sent a priest in...
I'll bet that cured his constipation. That would scare the shit out of *anybody*!
Disappointing theists since 1968!